Is this the Terrible Twos?

Toddlerhood is difficult for both parents and children, especially with the terrible twos temper tantrums.

I find it purely coincidental that yesterday I blogged about patience and this morning I had to basically drag Annabelle out of the house to go to baby school. She woke up on the wrong side of the crib – kicking, yelling, and even throwing Bunny down on the floor.

Is this a preview of the terrible twos?

In the last few weeks we have seen a new side of Annabelle. The behaviors I have heard described to me before by my own Mother as the behavior of a little Caitlin.

Around the age of two I became quite obstinate. The doctor told my Mom my temper was actually a sign of intelligence and an inability to communicate what I truly wanted. I was known to throw mega-fits and scare my cousins when things did not go as planned.

I couldn’t process or explain how I was feeling, so I took it out on the wall/my toys/my precious curly hair. I also began experiencing night terrors: waking in the night and screaming uncontrollably and incomprehensibly for no apparent reason. Thankfully, my temper faded when I entered school. I am seeing Annabelle exhibit the same behaviors my Mom has told me about in great detail.

When Annabelle was five months old I blogged about her tantrums tantrums. At the time I thought her fits would be permanent, but soon learned that going dairy free and sleeping in her own bed helped her issues. She has been rather pleasant the last 23 months of her life compared to the manner in which she has been behaving on and off lately.

I am thinking we are getting a preview of the Terrible Twos, but I don’t want to be so quick to judge. We are visiting the doctor’s office tomorrow to check out the status of the ear infection she has seemed to have for a month. Perhaps her fits are just a result of an irritated ear and a cranky baby?

Or maybe it’s more. Maybe our toddler is exhibiting the behaviors of a very-smart-almost-two-year-old who is having issues with communication and accepting change?

All of Annabelle’s temper tantrums have been a result of us telling her “No,” or not being able to do something.

I read that two year old toddlers don’t have the language to express feelings, so they resort to pitching fits. However, Annabelle has been able to tell us when she is scared or if something hurts for the last 6 months, so she can actually express some feelings. What she cannot do is say “I’m mad” or “I’m frustrated” – which is something we will work on. Once she is better able to verbalize her emotions, I think we will be in a better place. Until then…

Here are the ways we are dealing with temper tantrums, which is fortunately the same way Dr. Jeremy Friedman, author of The Toddler Care Book, recommends. 

1. During a tantrum, it’s important to remain calm.
2. Avoid inadvertently reinforcing the behavior.
3. Keep your emotions in check. If your emotions escalate, so will your child’s.
4. Do not laugh or confront her.
5. Instead, ignore your child without making eye contact and wait for her to calm down. This will ensure you are not reinforcing bad behavior.

Afterwards we try to provide reassurance that everything will be okay. We always speak to her in a calm tone and tell her that we love her. We are trying. And when it seems we are failing, we take some deep breaths, and start all over.