Mother’s guilt is a natural consequence for wanting to be a good Mother to your children. However, there is nothing worse than feeling responsible when your child gets hurt or sick.
I’ll never forget when Ailey went into anaphylaxis as an infant – it was horrifying since I had given her the hummus. Accidents can happen but the amount of Mother’s guilt involved is overwhelming.
On Sunday we visited my cousins’ daughters’ birthday party at Sky Zone. Ailey collided with a little girl while bouncing on the trampolines. The wind knocked out of her, she cried in a way I haven’t heard before. Initially I was scared, but I calmed after considering she was tired (close to nap time), sweaty, and probably just scared. All the Moms crowded around her, two nurses included, and we checked her out. Ailey was crying and grabbing her little leg as if in pain. We noticed her knee seemed a little puffy and red, but there was no visible dislocation or immediate bruising. After an hour and two bags of ice later, she was still crying and unable to stand. It seemed like a small accident while playing around.
We made an appointment with the pediatrician for the following day. Brandon and I encouraged Ailey to try to stand or walk, but she whimpered and said her leg hurt. Honestly, I thought it wasn’t a big deal, the pain a new sensation and scared to hurt herself more. We were obviously WRONG. Fast forward to a trip to the pediatrician, radiologist, and orthopedic specialist… we thought she had a toddler fracture to her fibula.
Mother’s Guilt is REAL.
I can’t begin to describe the feeling that washed over me as the pediatrician relayed the radiology results. A million thoughts raced through my head – Wasn’t it just an accident? Why didn’t I take her to the ER? Why didn’t I realize she was crying different than normal? How come I didn’t take her pain seriously? WHAT WAS WRONG WITH ME? Neglect is a word that should never describe a parent’s role in their child’s life and I felt like it was branded across my forehead as I explained what happened to each doctor.
I’m so thankful for family kept me grounded and an orthopedic specialist who said there is ultimately no crack in her bones. I silently cried tears of joy and relief after it was all over. The mother’s guilt though, that didn’t leave my heart. As I sit here and type this while she sleeps quietly in my bed behind me, I can’t fathom if she had really broken her little leg and I made her wait two days to have it cast. I want to learn from my mistake and react more quickly when accidents happen.
All parents experience guilt in some form as a reaction to our desire to be the best Mom or Dad to our children.
Guilt from going back to work, guilt from yelling, guilt from overreacting, guilt from not taking your child seriously – the opportunities to feel mother’s guilt never end. My hope is I learn from my mistakes and never let the guilt overpower me. Instead, I’d like to myself that its not about ME in the end, it’s all about our girls.
Sorry this happened! Kid accidents are so scary. Makes me wish we could bubble wrap these sweet kiddos. We’ve had our share of accidents at our house. Some things ended up being nothing and others were serious. I wish I could say the mom guilt goes away, but each time I replay the incident and wonder what I could do differently.
Girl, I’m not a mom, but man, you would definitely not be the first to think “oh, she’ll be fine” and then it be something else – I mean, my friends kids, my sisters kids – they “cry wolf” so much, it’s hard to tell! Don’t let the guilt get you!
Mom guilt is so hard. Especially as it relates to sickness and accidents. Most recently I cut my 6 month old’s finger with a nail clipper and it wouldn’t stop bleeding for 10 minutes. I felt so awful as she was screaming in pain and for a couple days afterwards. Definitely won’t be using those again for awhile.
Thank you so much for this post! It is just what I needed. My son had a hairline fracture to his arm because I took him on a bouncy castle slide and went down with him. Next thing I know, we were at the bottom of the slide and he was crying really badly. We monitored him for a good 15 minutes and decided to take him to A&E for an x-ray. He is in a cast on his 4th birthday and I couldn’t get over the mum guilt. It doesn’t help when my mother in law is now telling everyone we know of his accident and it was my idea to take him there. I felt sick in the stomach when the doctor said there is a hairline crack in his arm bone and I am so helpless to do anything to ease his pain. THe only thing that is making me feel a tiny bit better and seeing that he can still play and have fun with his friends and brother. I can’t concentrate at work thinking it was my fault for taking him there and know better than to go down the slide with him. I also fear the thought of people talking about how much I am a bad mother with my mother in law telling other people.
Sorry to be pouring my heart out here, I searched for mum guilt on google and came across your post first thing and I just needed to talk about my experience as well.
Aw I’m so sorry Kitty you had to go through this too! It’s definitely the WORST feeling to think your child got hurt because of us… not intentionally of course but under our watch. You are a GREAT MOM – especially because you care! Don’t doubt yourself <3
My 11 months was bleeding when he fell off the bed. I was there watching him to see if he can make it but he slipped from the bed so fast within the blink of an eye that I couldn’t protect him from falling. I got so scared after I saw blood coming out from his mouth and his upper lips started swelling, his bleeding stopped and he is sleeping now. We have a doctor’s appointment tomorrow early morning. I hope it’s just small cut and nothing big but I feel so guilty. What kind of mom watches her child fall from the bed. I learned a lesson that unless he is not ready I shouldn’t be watching instead my hands should be around him at all the time. I hope my son forgives me for the mistakes I have done.