Do you love your real self? Do you accept your imperfections and find beauty in being different? I think our world would be a much better place if we all allowed our differences to bring us together instead of setting us apart.
From elementary school to college, I have been aware of the physical traits that set me apart from other girls. Whether it was my curly hair, freckly face, or wide hips, my differences were acknowledged by others. I wanted to change my appearance to look like everyone else and tried very hard to do so.
When was the first time you remember being self conscious about your appearance?
For myself it was in second grade when a little boy called me “Four Eyes” after he noticed I was the only child in class with glasses. He chose to comment on the one thing that set me apart from everyone else. Glasses, a tool used to help a seven year old see the chalkboard, were turned into an insult.
I often think of his comment as a seed planted within me, ultimately growing a stem with branches to hold more insecurities throughout my adolescence.
In my efforts to fit in, I ironed my hair straight, wore contacts, and starved myself to fit into smaller jeans. I reveal a certain nickname in my high school bullying story about my feminine shape that haunted me for years.
What I’ve learned since then is that I let the observations of others become my imperfections and insecurities. For a very long time I didn’t like the person I saw in the mirror because she was different. Our society called thin, straight haired girls beautiful and I felt everything but that for not looking exactly the same.
What were your insecurities growing up?
Wearing my glasses for a prolonged period of time always stirs up uncomfortable emotions. Recently I had an eye infection forcing me to wear my glasses in public for almost two weeks straight. Now I know the world doesn’t look at me differently if I wear glasses, but I still wondered if people were whispering “Four Eyes” behind my back.
Out of sheer curiosity, I asked my Instagram followers if they understood my insecurity with wearing glasses. This led to a question box allowing people to share their teenage insecurities. I. was. shocked. at the number of replies.
This list of insecurities is shocking in length.
The number of people who hated a figment of their appearance during high school is overwhelming. I can’t help but imagine what our teenage years had been like if we all just accepted our imperfections. What if we allowed our differences to bring us together instead of set us apart?
I’ve come a long way since high school, finally loving how I look, but even more so since I became a Mother. I witnessed my body transform in magical ways to carry two miracles of life and bounce back to it’s regular form. Pregnancy and postpartum wasn’t an easy journey, and the physical changes were beyond scary, but I am empowered for surviving it all.
How can we inspire others to love their real selves?
Spread the message! Why can’t we all acknowledge imperfections as beautiful pieces of our real selves? Compliment others intentionally about their strength, creativity, personality, etc. If you focus on encouraging others to love who they are, it will spread naturally within your circle.
As a Mother of two little girls I am very conscious of what I say and how I act in front of them. If I am having a bad hair day or feeling frumpy, they never know as I keep it to myself.
How can you teach a child to love her real self? Lead by example. The key to raising kids with high self esteem lies within parents demonstrating a positive attitude toward themselves.
If you’re looking for ways to inspire a positive body image in your children, check out “Her Body Can” by Katie Crenshaw and Ady Meschke.
Read more about Validation and Where Does Beauty Lie?
Love this!! It’s crazy how one woman’s insecurity can be another’s source of confidence. ???
This is so important! I posted recently that the stories of our bodies and how we view them are some of the most powerful and universal connections we have. Thanks for sharing ?
Leading by example is so important, because clearly the kids who bully others learned that cruelty from somewhere (i.e. their parents or family members), so to stop it we need to be better to everyone around us, including our own selves! Thank you so much for sharing such a thoughtful post!
Children can be so mean and it’s crazy to me how much of an effect one small comment that someone made to you in elementary school can shape your life, well into adulthood. I remeber in the 5th grade, a boy made fun of me for my leg hair and armpit hair. Up until that point, I could have cared less and then all of a sudden I was wear chunky sweaters and sweatshirts in the middle of May to avoid anyone making fun of me. Now as an adult, I still get self conscious about a lot of things (and now I shave my armpits every day…..) but I’m working on being more confident and loving every dimple and roll on my body.
Rachel
http://www.hello-her.com
This is such a great post! I feel like this happens to so much of us. When I was younger a friend’s MOM called me “chubby” and it stuck with me for many, many years. In high school, guys would make comments about my butt and thighs and not only was it uncomfortable but it made me feel self-conscious about myself.
Lizzie
http://www.lizzieinlace.com
I think the most important thing you said in this post is towards the end – about how you want your girls to see themselves. It’s so important to lead by example. I grew up surrounded by loving and accepting family, but I still heard negative self talk and even the religious culture I was part of played into my horrible insecurities as I got older. I still have a challenging time accepting myself fully, but there are days where I really can appreciate who I am and those are the moments that fuel me!
Thank you for sharing! I think every person, but women more than men, suffer over perceived imperfections. I can remember mine and the pain I used to feel. Now that I am beyond high school and early college, I can just look back at it and want to hug girls/young women that I suspect feel self conscious about appearance and let them know to hang in there as this pain too shall pass. Alas our society puts great emphasis on appearance and not enough focus on character.
Think this conversation is so important. Thank you for bringing more light to it! xoxo, Sarah
What an amazing post girl friend! Crazy what one little comment can do to us gals (and boys) when we’re in that vulnerable stage. I always felt fat and hated my freckles. Now I adore my freckles and the youthful look that give me!
This is such an amazing post and you’re so right! – All of our imperfections are what make us beautiful and we must remember that!
I thought you were so pretty when I met you and Brandon at UT. Wow, are women hard on themselves or what?
I think Harold had brought you and Brandon up to our house at one point. Still thought you were very pretty.
I have a high school daughter and while she is confident in so many things, body image is always an insecurity. And social media doesn’t help especially for girls this age. But thankfully we talk a lot of about it, and she prefers not to do social media because it brings negative feeling about herself.
Caitlin, I’m so glad I read your post. As a woman I face insecurities, as a blogger maybe even more. Every now and then I stop myself but truth is that being a mom, I need to be more on top of how I see myself and speak about myself especially in front of the girls. Like you said, what I express is being absorbed by them and I would hate for them to be so self-conscious about anything they may think they lack or not fully love about themselves.
Xx, Nailil
thirtyminusone.com
Love the rawness of this post, Caitlin! I honestly had a list like this when I was growing up about all the things I would change about myself as soon as I was a rich adult (let’s just laugh at that for a second). This included my acne, the size of my chest, too toned thighs, and so many more things. I am now so grateful for each unique features but I totally know this feeling of not loving yourself completely. Thanks so much for sharing 🙂
-xo, Azanique | https://www.lotsofsass.com
This is such a great post and something I think *many* women struggle with, myself included! We can be our own worst critics sometimes! Great message