My high school bullying story comes in the form of body shaming, name calling, and the destruction of my personal property. I don’t want to be defined for my bullying experience in high school, but it has shaped the woman I am today and deserves to be told.
I never thought I had a high school bullying story until I found myself lost in an episode of Thirteen Reasons Why on Netflix. Feeling more similar to a fictional character than I ever have in my life, I cried uncontrollably while an uncomfortable beast woke up inside of me.
This is My High School Bullying Story
In this decade, we are asked to use the term “bullying” lightly as it often comes with heavy consequences, especially in the school setting. I don’t remember hearing the word much as a teen though, despite the fact bullying happened every single day in the school halls.
My personal bullying experience is unique, as a lot of my actions were a result of my friends’ influence. One could argue I had a mind and opinion of my own, but from a young age I felt out of place. It was easier to fit in when I let my friends make decisions for me. From the first time I drank alcohol, to trying drugs, to being forced to hang out with a boy I didn’t like while hiding feelings for the boy I did like.
When I make my own decisions there were consequences. My mailbox was smashed countless times as retaliation for breaking up with a boy I didn’t like and wanting to date his friend. The group of guys that both boys hung out with tormented me constantly. They made me feel insecure, ugly and worthless.
One of my nicknames was “Wideload” because I had womanly hips before the rest of my friends. Who would have thought that a girl would be mocked for looking like a woman? It happened though. The worst part is while the boys laughed, I giggled too, because I wanted them to think I was cool enough to handle their teasing.
The High School Body I Never Appreciated
I vividly remember when I started obsessing over my body once these so-called ‘boy friends’ pointed out my hips. I hated my hips being the center of negative attention. I began to really examine my girlfriends, the ones who were called “pretty” and had boyfriends. Their straight hips, thigh gap, and curl-free hair were all I wanted in life. Then one day, one of my so-called friends pointed out cellulite dimples on my thighs while my legs were crossed. I hated my body even more.
Since High School, I’ve continued to struggle with a false perception of the image I see in the mirror.
From my curly hair to the size of my butt to my flat chest, I’ve never been completely comfortable with how God made me. Was it not for my friends in high school conditioning the way that I think and paving the way for what a pretty girl looks like, maybe I would’ve been more confident in myself. What is considered as bullying in high school varies, but to me, anything that makes someone feel less than is bullying.
The intimidating stares, under-the-breath comments, rude remarks… Kids both older and younger than me had more to say about how I looked and what I wore than they should.
The truth is, I didn’t even have it that bad. My bullying experience doesn’t compare to what others experienced in my high school. Eventually, the name calling ended when the boys graduated, so most of the rumors and teasing went with them. That’s not to say that I never experienced feelings of inadequacy again. College was a whole other story.
I Only Took Photos of My Friends
I look back on photos of myself and see an awkward girl insecure with her body and looks. My high school albums are mostly filled with my friends because I thought they were beautiful and perfect and hated how I looked. I cringe at the thought that I couldn’t see how incredibly amazing I truly was and I blame high school bullying for blinding me.
Outsiders may say I looked like the perfect girl – I was pretty, popular, and graduated at the top of my class. Things always look different to an outsider though… and you can never see how someone is feeling on the inside (which is where it counts).
As a Mother of two girls, I constantly fear they will feel like I did as a teenager someday. Some boy in high school is going to try to shatter their self image. I know I’m going to want to call his Mom and tell her how he’s ruined my daughter.
In the big picture, I know know I can’t protect them from the cruel people in this world. What I can do is prepare my children for dealing with bullies and teach them how to be a good friend.
This breaks my heart. We all have our bullying stories and I’ll spare you mine. But, you’re right, we didn’t call it that then and the stories you hear around the media or even with family and close friends is frightening.
You are beautiful. Everything I wished I looked like in high school. Isn’t it funny that we can’t see that in ourselves though?? Proves that you just never know what people go through. Then, now, ever really and truly know.
Thank you for writing about this today. Admire you for sharing this story. So brave. <3
Yes to this. I was bullied for being so skinny. I’m hypoglycemic, so no matter how much I ate, I stayed skinny. The boys used to say I was anorexic or belimic. One boy hassled me every PE class. Saying to eat something. When I told him I did eat, he said to quit throwing up. It was an endless bullying from him until he graduated. Thanks for sharing.
Yes to this. I was bullied for being so skinny. I’m hypoglycemic, so no matter how much I ate, I stayed skinny. The boys used to say I was anorexic or belimic. One boy hassled me every PE class. Saying to eat something. When I told him I did eat, he said to quit throwing up. It was an endless bullying from him until he graduated. Thanks for sharing.
Thank you. You sharing these means a lot to both high school me and current 36 year old me. I’ll spare you the high school me, but it did involve body shaming. Now, there’s me as a 36 year old mom of 2 little girls. It is so, so important to me that I set a good example to them and teach them that they are beautiful, smart and kind. Late in my pregnancy with my 2nd, I started going to therapy because it had become so clear to me that I don’t really know myself. I think I’ve spent so much of my life trying to figure out where I fit in. I think that to really set a good example for my girls I need to figure out who I am and learn to really love that person. I sometimes wonder if reading blogs is hurting that, as I always feel like I don’t measure up. Your blog has become one of my favorites because you’re so real and down to earth. This post made you even more relatable to me. It also reminded me that we all have those days! Thank you again!
Thanks so much for being candid and pouring your heart out for all of us to read. So courageous. I’m sorry you went through that. I spend my day living in my “first grade classroom bubble” where kids are usually too young and innocent to be cruel. (Although it can still happen for sure) Isn’t it liberating as an adult to be able to simply rid yourself of any adult bullies who try to knock you down? My biggest take away from my 20’s- some women (and men) find joy in bringing others down. Anyways- thanks for your awesome lost and beautiful pictures as always. Xoxo
I’m so sorry to hear your story. It is far too common for girls to be bullied by both male and female peers, and those effects are lifelong. I was bullied in middle school for having red hair (way before Hollywood made it “cool’ & ‘sexy’!), glasses, and braces. I was called Eliza Thornberry, which was fitting because my name is Liza. I also played the flute in the marching band and when American Pie came out… it just got worse. This was also when Laguna Beach was popular and I am super pale. All I wanted was to be tan, but that obviously never happens. Middle school was awful.
I’m a middle school teacher now and do feel like students are a little kinder than they were before. I think there are some positive aspects to social media- it exposes us to cultures, music, fashion, etc. that we never would have seen otherwise, and because of how widespread social media is, makes those “odd” things much more normal and acceptable.
What’s interesting is that I just read your post about Memorial Day before reading this one and in the picture of you with your sisters where you’re standing sideways to the camera, my first thought was “Dang look at her butt!” I am so jealous! I have always had a pancake @$$ and am super jealous of your booty! ;-P