On average, Brandon and I are asked two to three times a month if we are going to have any more children. In case you didn’t know, we already have two little girls. Annabelle is five and Ailey is two and a half. They’re full of life, a pair of fantastic daughters who bring us more joy than anything else in our lives. When you have two amazing girls, why wouldn’t you want to have another? Well, I have a few answers prepared for those nosy people. Here are four reasons why I (we) don’t want to have any more kids.
The Reasons
One of the big reasons I don’t want any more kids is purely selfish: I don’t want to go through the physical changes of pregnancy again. For me, months 1-3 of being pregnant are horrendous. I feel bloated, fat, gassy, and uncomfortable in the skin I’m in. My baby bump doesn’t appear until I’m almost halfway through the second trimester and my clothes never fit right. I also have varicose vein issues that ultimately caused me to be induced early at the end of my last pregnancy. Oh and sleep… it took five years for me to finally sleep through the night and I sure will miss being able to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Let’s not forget all that fun postpartum business.
We don’t have any room for another kid. When we purchased our four bedroom home, we combined two rooms to make one large master. Annabelle and Ailey’s bedrooms are the perfect size for one, not two, kids. If we had a baby, he/she would be fine in our room for a bit of time, but then ? We also don’t have room in my car for a third car seat and I’m in no position to buy a bigger SUV.
Childcare is outrageous, but staying home to take care of kids isn’t cheap either. Then you have to consider college…ugh.
Let’s talk MONEY. Do you know how expensive babies are? They need clothes and diapers, toys and a crib. Babies then grow into hungry little toddlers who can eat you out of house and home. They get sick with untreatable viruses that cost $50 to diagnose four times in two months. Childcare is outrageous, but staying home to take care of kids isn’t cheap either. Then you have to consider college tuition… three kids in college is astronomical.
Lastly – the FEAR is real. I’m terrified to have another baby. Trust me when I tell you that I know all too well about a whole lot of bad stuff that can happen. Babies can get sick and Moms can die during labor. The scary possibilities are endless and emotionally, I don’t know if I can go through the waiting game again. Waiting to make sure the pregnancy is real, waiting to make sure the baby is healthy, waiting to make sure I have a safe labor and delivery.
The Moral of the Story
I think I want another baby. Brandon and I talk about babies a lot lately as we watch our girls grow rapidly before our eyes. We replay videos of Annabelle and Ailey as infants, so squishy, so innocent, and so new. The fact that the girls will never be that small makes my heart so sad. Over the last two months, I’ve started to feel my ovaries ache (if that’s really even a thing). My heart swells when I picture another little version of us, when I imagine the girls with a sibling, or when I envision a proud Brandon holding our newborn baby in the hospital.
A fellow Mom asked me to imagine the guests sitting around our Thanksgiving table in thirty years… who do I see? Are we surrounded by two children and their families or three children and their families?
But then reality sets in and I think about breastfeeding struggles, sleepless nights, and those first few months where you can’t quite figure out why the baby is crying. I think about money and space. I think about the fear of being responsible for one more human. Do I want everything as we know it to change?
What will be will be I had number 3 when it seemed I never would and I must say our family is so much better for it. Your right to say if it happens you will be fine actually you will be better than fine. But if not a family of four is wonderful too 🙂
My husband and I are in the same space, well sort of. Our girls are 3 and 13 months. He wants another baby so bad, mostly because he wants to try for a boy! While I’ve certainly felt that ovary aching feeling, I don’t know that I’m up for another pregnancy, another round of breastfeeding, another round of sleepless nights . . . the list goes on and on. I don’t know about you, but when we have babies, I do pretty much everything. I just don’t think I can do it again. I’m also starting to see that there’s an end in sight. Our 3 year old is starting to become more independent and I can see the light! I just don’t know!
I’ve always known I wanted a big family! When I think of the future I dream of having all my kids coming home for the holidays, filling my house with laughter. We have two and definitely want more even though morning sickness knocks me out through my entire pregnancy. I have always wanted to adopt as well so we want to become foster parents and hopefully adopt some sweet little one someday too. 5 kids would be the dream for me!
I love this post so much. So I can relate to this. I had my first at 24 (not exactly planned), and my second at 28 after we were married bought a house etc. We also have 2 girls. My family constantly says to me “oh have a 3rd don’t be a wimp”. All of my friends have 3 kids, they say their 3rd child brought so much joy and happiness to their home and I can 100% see that. I can also see how exhausted they were. Trying to find a sitter for 3 kids is a game changer especially when you don’t have family nearby. My issue is I am on medication to prevent seizures. I had 2 very healthy children on my medication. I don’t want to risk it with a 3rd. Maybe if I was closer to 30 I would, however at the time my husband was traveling to NY for his work (we are in PA) I was at a crappy job I loathed. I also was getting crazy migraines and had to go on medication to stop them which could cause birth defects. The point is no one knows personally what you’re dealing with. Do I still sometimes want a 3rd, absolutely! I have a 12 and 8 year old now. They are growing into young ladies. We can have fun take trips and got to concerts without packing a ton of stuff. So yes I wish the girls had one more sibling, but they have their cousins close by and “friend cousins”. I’m actually very excited to see this next phase of life with them.
Your family photos are beautiful! Having multiple kids is hard and expensive. I totally respect your decision!
XOXO
Cathy
What a beautiful family! Thanks so much for sharing your story. It can be scary to share such personal thoughts and moments, but is always so impactful.
You do you, Mama! It’s no one’s concern (business) except yours and Brandon’s. I feel the ache every once in a while, but then I get realistic. I sleep (relatively) well now. My kids are fun little people. I get to finally focus on ME every once in a while. Life is so good…why change it up??? Love you and your posts!!! Xo
We have zero kids and I get asked this question every single day. Loved reading this post!
I am one of your friends with 5 children. I have one sister. We grew up always wishing we had another sibling. Always. She has 3 children. My husband knew I wanted more than 2, silly man thought that meant 3… So we have a 10 year gap between our first 3 (girls) and last 2 (boys). Restarting in my 30’s was terrifying, I totally get you there. The pain and sleeplessness fades but you remember it! And my body, ugh. But I am sooo thankful I have them, and would do it again if time could be rewound. There are definitely other decisions I made that I would change, but that’s a story for another time! Every family has to decide what’s best for them, I too have friends with 0-11 ? children.
Really enjoyed reading this lady and your pure honesty! We don’t have any children yet but plan to start trying in about a year and to be honest, I totally fear having children for basically every reason you shared. So again, appreciate your honesty!
xo Laura Leigh
Louella Reese
We have two beautiful boys, and that’s the perfect number for us. We like the ‘man on man’ coverage 😉 Also, we (meaning me) ended up having trouble staying pregnant. My husband and I came to terms with an only child when were were blessed with a second miracle. The day after he was born, my husband called the Urologist! We’ve had a few people ask if we are going to try for a third, but it isn’t really brought up much. Our friends and family know our struggles (and now our permanent fix) so now the topic is changed to “Where are you going to send them to school?”
I’m still hoping for at least one, in the coming years!! Two max, to also have a family of four 🙂
Being a mom is a huge responsibility. Definitely no one is to judge how many kids we are to have or if we decide to have none. Great post!
XO
Candace
http://www.thebeautybeau.com
I absolutely love how honest this post is. Your girls are too cute!
Rachel
http://www.hello-her.com
This might be my favorite post ever! My second boy is due in May and almost every person I tell asks “Will you try for a girl?” It’s like the fact that I’m pregnant right now gets dismissed because well…I already have a boy. It’s insane and I’m so over telling people (including strangers) that I am perfectly happy to be a boy Mom! I also have ALL of these above thoughts: money, energy, my body…reasons I don’t THINK I want a third. i haven’t ruled it out completely but something about this post made me say “Amen!” Thank you. ❤️
These are totally valid reasons and I think to each their own! I also have two kids and I love that we are the fabulous four!!
Kileen
cute & little
Having been married for 2.5 years we haven’t gotten this question as often as I thought. But it could also be that I have no filter and no problem telling someone to take a hike if they ask “when are you having kids”? You both do what is best for you guys. But the house and the car are two major things that aren’t easily fixed.
You both know what’s best for your family. And if you stay a family of 4 and that’s best then it’s no one else’s business. a know? What a cute family!
Some of these reasons are why I don’t think I’ll be having kids in general. Not that they aren’t wonderful, but there are so many aspects that I think people forget. So I’m two months into marriage and constantly having to explain myself to people. Grateful for posts like these!
great, honest post! We’re starting to have conversations about having kids and it’s SO scary!
Eek, having three kids isn’t that bad! Yeah, our daycare bill is 10% greater than our mortgage payment, at some point we may have bunk beds in the house, and getting a minivan puts us in the land of car payments, but seeing the three of them grow up together is worth it all.
Bottom line, you decide what works for you, but squishing another kid into your house or car is not that HUGE of a deal. And the fear of health problems with having a kid doesn’t go away once they are born.
I think this post is a little too far into my future to understand! I’m still *trying* to have my first kid! lol
Don’t forget you can raise strong independent kids that pay for their own college!! I paid my way through school and I’m so glad I did that for my self. I plan for my kids to put themselves through college. I’m one of 4 kids and all of us paid our own way through school. And no I didn’t have any student loans! I also wasn’t super smart with scholarships. But paying for my own college made me make wiser choices on affordable schools and I buckled down and worked hard because I understood what it was costing to go. Just food for thought!! Of course kids are expensive no matter how you slice it but I hate that parent feel they HAVE to put their adult children through college. Let them do it for themselves. They will feel proud.
Literally feel the same way! Well said!
Also for me i have terrible post partum depression/anxiety/rage! It’s like two and a half solid years of crazy especially with the lack of sleep… nursing… dr visits… not to mention the 5 months of healing after third degree tearing. Both births were a little traumatizing. No epidurals (i don’t recommend) 1 emergency c section and 1 vbac with 3rd degree tearing. You never know if your uterus has healed properly and on and on!
We love our two girls 3 1/2 & 1 1/2
And i think we may remain “the fantastic four” too ♥️