On average, Brandon and I are asked two to three times a month if we are going to have any more children. In case you didn’t know, we already have two little girls. Annabelle is five and Ailey is two and a half. They’re full of life, a pair of fantastic daughters who bring us more joy than anything else in our lives. When you have two amazing girls, why wouldn’t you want to have another? Well, I have a few answers prepared for those nosy people. Here are four reasons why I (we) don’t want to have any more kids.
One of the big reasons I don’t want any more kids is purely selfish: I don’t want to go through the physical changes of pregnancy again. For me, months 1-3 of being pregnant are horrendous. I feel bloated, fat, gassy, and uncomfortable in the skin I’m in. My baby bump doesn’t appear until I’m almost halfway through the second trimester and my clothes never fit right. I also have varicose vein issues that ultimately caused me to be induced early at the end of my last pregnancy. Oh and sleep… it took five years for me to finally sleep through the night and I sure will miss being able to sleep for more than two hours at a time. Let’s not forget all that fun postpartum business.
We don’t have any room for another kid. When we purchased our four bedroom home, we combined two rooms to make one large master. Annabelle and Ailey’s bedrooms are the perfect size for one, not two, kids. If we had a baby, he/she would be fine in our room for a bit of time, but then ? We also don’t have room in my car for a third car seat and I’m in no position to buy a bigger SUV.
Childcare is outrageous, but staying home to take care of kids isn’t cheap either. Then you have to consider college…ugh.
Let’s talk MONEY. Do you know how expensive babies are? They need clothes and diapers, toys and a crib. Babies then grow into hungry little toddlers who can eat you out of house and home. They get sick with untreatable viruses that cost $50 to diagnose four times in two months. Childcare is outrageous, but staying home to take care of kids isn’t cheap either. Then you have to consider college tuition… three kids in college is astronomical.
Lastly – the FEAR is real. I’m terrified to have another baby. Trust me when I tell you that I know all too well about a whole lot of bad stuff that can happen. Babies can get sick and Moms can die during labor. The scary possibilities are endless and emotionally, I don’t know if I can go through the waiting game again. Waiting to make sure the pregnancy is real, waiting to make sure the baby is healthy, waiting to make sure I have a safe labor and delivery.
The Moral of the Story
I think I want another baby. Brandon and I talk about babies a lot lately as we watch our girls grow rapidly before our eyes. We replay videos of Annabelle and Ailey as infants, so squishy, so innocent, and so new. The fact that the girls will never be that small makes my heart so sad. Over the last two months, I’ve started to feel my ovaries ache (if that’s really even a thing). My heart swells when I picture another little version of us, when I imagine the girls with a sibling, or when I envision a proud Brandon holding our newborn baby in the hospital.
A fellow Mom asked me to imagine the guests sitting around our Thanksgiving table in thirty years… who do I see? Are we surrounded by two children and their families or three children and their families?
But then reality sets in and I think about breastfeeding struggles, sleepless nights, and those first few months where you can’t quite figure out why the baby is crying. I think about money and space. I think about the fear of being responsible for one more human. Do I want everything as we know it to change?