You know what sucks about babies? I mean, aside from the poopy diaper explosions and tantrums that seem to never end?? It’s that babies can’t talk.
They can’t tell you what they did while you were at work and they were at baby school. They can’t tell you if the babies in their class were nice, or if the teachers picked them up when they cried. They can’t tell you if they were scared, or sad, or happy while you were away.
Babies can’t tell you anything.
Now, the teachers at baby school can tell me all about Annabelle’s day. They send me pictures and write me a little report about how many times she peed, pooped, ate, and slept. It’s fine and dandy, except for the fact that I still don’t feel like I really know how she is when I am gone. I don’t know if she is scared, or sad, or happy.
Yesterday was the first day that she was sad when I picked her up. She was sitting on the floor outside of the teacher’s area. She had her pacifier in her mouth (which she only recently has started doing while she is awake) and was holding on to her bunny for dear life. She was whimpering and her eyes were red, brimming with tears. My heart broke in half.
I snatched her up and squeezed her tight. She snuggled her face into my shoulder and started to cry.
I wanted to know what was wrong. I wanted to know WHY was she so sad?! But there was no one to ask. Her teachers said that she was probably hungry and that she had been having a tough day. What does that even mean? “She was having a tough day.” How do they know it was tough? What made it tough?
I am totally fine with Annabelle staying with my MIL (Coco) during the day. Mondays and Fridays are the best days of the week in our house! I know she is being hugged, loved, and cared for like she was Coco’s own daughter. I don’t worry she is sad, scared, or lonely because I know that there is no way she could feel that way when she is with her Coco. She doesn’t even cry when she is with her – it’s all smiles and fun.
But at baby school… smiles and fun seem rare.
Mom’s who have kids in daycare – how do you do it? How do you get through the days when you know your little one may be crying their eyes out? Because I know my girl is… they sent me a picture yesterday that clearly showed her little eyes all red and puffy… and it took everything in my power to not zoom out of work to go pick her up.
Oh no! Poor girl. She’s likely still adjusting and it’ll hopefully get better. I wish I had some advice for you, but Abbie’s in a different setting and was pretty much the only baby in our daycare when she started going, so she always had tons of attention. Will be thinking of you both!
While I can’t give you advice as a parent, I can as a former daycare worker and current nanny. When kids (especially babies) cried, i always snuggled them for as long as they needed. Sometimes they were just sad because they wanted their parents and I did what I could to help. Hopefully you found a place that has people who care the same way I did and they snuggle her when she is sad. It always made me sad to see them that upset because I saw them all as my little siblings. Good luck!
I guess I never think about it. Does that sound cruel? Maybe naive? I get pictures from the daycare, but she doesn’t look like she’s been crying. I guess I figure that they wouldn’t want her cry uncontrollably and would call me if that was the case (I’m lucky enough to be a few blocks away). Could you ask them about it? Maybe approach is like they are the experts (at least on babies, not Annabelle obviously) and ask about what she could be feeling at that age and being away from you. She’s adorable and I would hope no one would hesitate to snuggle the crap out of her to comfort any of her fears or upsets.
I have to say, since being pregnant I have “shopped” around reading blogs written by other new moms for advice, stories, and camaraderie; and enjoy yours the most. Thanks for your sharing.
Awww, poor girl. I’m sure she’s still adjusting. I have no idea what Beckett’s up to while I’m gone, but they do tell me if he’s fussy when I pick him up (or if he had a bad day). But they also always say, “He was fine when I picked him up, though.” So I know they try to pick him up if he’s crying. On the other hand, sometimes I walk in the door and I can hear him crying, because let’s face it 1 person to 5 kids (per SC law) is not enough if more than one is crying. One day I walked in and one baby was passed out with his face on his high chair tray, right into his cheerios and milk. You just have to remember that there were plenty of times when I’m sure you were sad as a baby, too, but you don’t remember ANY of them. And her whole world is made right again the minute she sees you. 🙂
I check on Mav daily and when I hear he’s having a bad day I want to run out and get him too!!! It’s hard, hard as hell!!! What gets me through is I know our daycare provider is loving on him and sometimes they just have bad days. I just snuggled him even more in the evenings after a hard day. Like you, I get a daily report, which I LOVE!!
I’m so sorry you’re going through this! I know it’s got to be hard. I think one thing I like about our daycare is that they DON’T do pictures through the day. I know that’s weird, but I know I’d feel as awful as you if I saw that she was upset and I’d want to run over there. Truth is, I’m sure sometimes she is upset. Babies have bad days just like anyone else sometimes. But I know they’re taking good care of her.
If it’s really bothering you, or if it seems like she’s having more bad days than good, I’d talk to the daycare workers about it, and see if they can tell you more about WHY she’s upset (if something in particular seems to be bothering her, or if it’s happening at a particular time of day) and what they normally do when it happens.
I’m a mom and a former nanny for 14 years. It’s crazy being on the other side and thinking about your little one all the time. This happened to me the other day at our sitters and I heard lily screaming from inside the house. It took everything in me not to rip the door down and get her ASAP. When I walked in our daycare lady just said she want enjoying being on the floor. I understand there’s a lot going on but when you hear cries like that it’s difficult to not point fingers. I ask for updates trough out the day as well and you just have to trust that they do the best they can. Big hugs momma!
I completely understand! My biggest clue for how my kids are doing is to compare their normal daily routine. Let me explain shortly. Lil Mister started school at 6 weeks old 🙁 Having worked in a creche and my MIL teaches daycare, I’ve learnt that you need to give your child a certain period to adjust. Every child is differently. But Lil Mister has always (since baby age) been standoff-ish towards new people. So I agreed to not judge until he had been in school a couple of weeks. But everyday when we would pick him up, he was crying. He never got to that point where he was happy to go to school. Finally at about 8 months of age, I took him out of the school because a day mother had a spot open. After two weeks, he was happy. I could see him learning. He would run from our arms the moment we dropped him off and everyday he was laughing and smiling!
If your daughter doesn’t adjust after a few weeks, my opinion (this is my opinion not a fact!) is to find a new school. It’s not to say that school is bad, it’s just that personalities are meshing! I never give up the worry if they’re happy or not though. Even after 3 1/2 years, I still wonder what is going on….if they enjoy it…etc. But even though they can’t talk, they’ll show you if they’re happy or not!
Oh mama, my heart hurts for you both!! the adjustment to going to baby school is a really tough one, usually harder on mamas then on our babies. My Gracie started going at 8 weeks 🙁 but she adjusted really fast. I think Annabelle is so used to being with you (you guys were together for months and months!) and even being with Coco is like being with you. Baby school is loud, and bright and there is always a commotion — she’s learning to be in a new setting AND learning how to be away from you. Can you stop by during the day to check on her? Gracie’s first week, I stopped by randomly just to make sure they were doing what I wanted. And every time, she’s been happy and with someone, playing or sound asleep. Her teachers LOVE her and tell me so all the time. I feel comfortable leaving her because I know they are snuggling her and loving on her like I would. Do you feel that way? What does your mommy intuition tell you?? I would give it another couple of weeks, but if you don’t notice an improvement, or don’t “feel” right, I would maybe consider another school for her. Hang in there, I promise it does get better!!