Today I’m sharing my thoughts on the monster within us, depression, and how depression is a part of our lives.
Growing up we are told that there are no such thing as monsters. Parents are firm about this: “There is nothing under your bed, in your closet, or behind the shower curtain.” Of course we look anyways, because how could life be so perfect that there isn’t anything to be afraid of?
Something I have learned as an adult is that there ARE monsters. The monsters don’t hide in your house, or the backseat of your car, but rather inside of your head. Monsters that consume you, torture you, haunt you, and make you feel life may no longer be worth living.
Depression is a monster
What depression can do to a person is more terrifying that what any monster you may fear lurking in the shadows could do to you. I have seen what depression can make a person do. It’s not funny, or pretty, or something I ever really want to talk about. But it has to be talked about…
I will never forget the phone call.
My Mom had just picked me up from UConn, we were at Bed Bath and Beyond looking for curtains for my bedroom at home, and her cell phone rang. I think my Mom screamed… she shoved our shopping cart into an aisle… and told me we were going to the hospital. When we got there, we were told that he had passed away.
What happened before and after that is irrelevant. It was a very sad day – one of the saddest of my life. And the weeks afterwards were spent trying to understand why he no longer wanted to be on this Earth.
We will never know how my Uncle felt.
We will never know what he was thinking, or why he was thinking that way. This idea of the unknown goes for anyone suffering from depression. We will NEVER understand the intensity of the emotions that a person is feeling when they are depressed, so why do we feel the need to have opinions on the matter?
Yesterday one of the greatest comedians of all time took his own life.
We will never know why Robin Williams did what he did. No one can comprehend what the monster they call depression was doing to his mind, body, and soul. My heart aches for his family, and for the world who loved him. His talents, incredible sense of humor, and creativity will truly be missed.
Obviously I did not know Robin Williams – but I did know Jack. And the Genie. And Mrs. Doubtfire. And Peter Pan. I knew the characters he played in some of my most favorite movies from childhood. In a sense, we are lucky that he starred in these films, for we know that his movies will always be there for us when we need to laugh, or to feel good about life. Sadly, he will never create any more classics – and his family will never be able to hug, hold, or laugh with him in person again.
May you rest in peace Robin Williams. I hope you are free of your monsters.