Raise your hand if you can relate.
Lately I find it incredible – the itty bitty adorable human being I carried for NINE MONTHS is now the one who has starting giving the orders in our home. The home her Mommy and Daddy paid for is her palace. Our almost 2 year old dictates when it is time to eat, time to take a bath, and time to go to bed. If we don’t obey her orders, we pay.
This morning was a prime example of how much power a 36 inch 24 lb girl can have over her parents. I went in to wake her up for school but the Princess was NOT ready to start her day. I gently rubbed her back, “It’s time to get up sweet pea. Mommy made you breakfast!”
“Cover me up!” she commanded, shoving my hand off of her back.
“Today is going to be a wonderful day, but only if we get started on it right now! Mommy has cookies, and rainbows, and unicorns downstairs awaiting your arrival.”
The Princess grunted and shoved her face into her mattress.
I decided to gently pick her up and give her some hugs to get her moving. Instead of her folding into my arms like the sweet angel she is, she did that plank thing they do where her whole body goes stiff. I have mastered grabbing her in plank form, but have yet to figure out how to keep her in my arms. Did you know stiff toddlers are actually quite slippery?
The best thing to do with a Toddler Statue is to lay it gently on the floor. So I did this, only to watch her flip over onto her back and with the speed of a cheetah, race over to her crib. Then I watched her climb the side of her crib like Godzilla and attempt to hoist herself over the edge, back into her warm cozy bed. I attempted to peel her off the side of the crib, but her super strength powers prevailed me.
Note: During this charade, she screamed at the top of her lungs and didn’t break once to breathe or swallow.
In situations like this – I usually give up at some point and walk away – but when your daughter is clinging for her life to a crib railing 4 feet off the ground, you must continue to fight. I pried her little fingers off the crib and placed her on the ground. Then I told her if she didn’t want to go to school, I would leave without her. I walked out of the room, shut the door, and waited for a reaction.
Silence for 30 seconds.
I peeked the doorway. “Annabelle, do you want to get ready for school now?”
“NOOOOOOOOOOO. Mama. NO. Sleep in crib!
“Annabelle, Mommy has to go to work and you have to go to baby school. If you let Mommy get you dressed, I will give you a pony and $1,000.”
“NO MOMMY. NO. You STAY. Annabelle SLEEP.”
“Okay Annabelle, Mama will stay but you have to get dressed.”
“NO MAMA. ANNABELLE SLEEP.” The beast then pointed to her crib.
At this point, I was running late for work. I decided to bring in the big guns. Daddy helped hold her down while I changed her diaper and clothes, but she continued to scream. And scream. For the next 30 minutes – while I packed her school bag, shoved her into the car seat, and drove to baby school – until we passed the Christmas lights at the Lighting Store.
“Ooooo Christmas lights Mama!”