Dear Mr. Fishbowl,
I just wanted to say thank you for the great time last night. Watching basketball was so much more fun with you in my hands. I know we cried a little bit when Butler lost, and we yelled at that fat ugly Duke girl with the stupid blue horns who kept touching Mr. Bear, but overall we had a pretty sweet time together. I even brought you home and gave you a lovely bath so we could hang out again sometime in the comfort of my own home. However, when I woke up this morning I realized that you poisoned me last night. My mouth tastes weird, my head is pounding, I have cramps in my calves, and a strange craving for something really fattening that will upset my tumtum. I just don’t think we can ever hang out again. You are a deceitful mother effer. A wolf in sheep’s clothing. A poop pie disguised as a boston creme. You better be out of my place by the time I get home from work. Don’t ever call me again. Don’t come knocking at my door. I mother flippin hate you.