How do you handle intense pregnancy emotions? I’ve been struggling with what feels like postpartum depression and anxiety while pregnant. Here is my story…
For the most part, I try to keep my personal life to myself when it comes to the blog. There are certain things that I don’t want the world knowing (and I’m sure if there are parties involved, they would agree as well). But then, there are times when I am going through something personal that I want to make public for a number of reasons.
Blogging has become an outlet for me to express my inner thoughts and where I can ask for advice. I’ve connected with so many women over the years who are experiencing, or have survived, similar situations… so today I am hoping that I might find someone out there who knows how I am feeling.
Yesterday I hit my head on the freezer door and it kind of hurt.
It didn’t hurt so bad that I needed to cry, but I did cry. I cried a lot. I cried as hard as if I had my foot run over by a school bus. Annabelle knew something was wrong with me and kept apologizing – she hugged me tight and rubbed my back. Brandon brought me an ice pack for my head. But I kept crying and had to take a few moments to sit by myself in the dining room and let it all out.
That bump on my head seemed to be what broke the wall of the dam holding my river of emotions back. The last month has been emotionally exhausting and I’ve not been myself.
I’ve felt all of the pregnancy emotions from overwhelming joy to painstaking sadness.
I’ve laughed, cried, yelled, stomped my feet, prayed for peace, jumped with happiness. I didn’t know it was possible, but I can run through every feeling one could imagine in a matter of 30 days. The only other time I have felt this way was when I had a bout of postpartum depression after weaning Annabelle. What’s strange is that I am pregnant … and yes I know my hormones are all out of sorts, but why are they THIS wild?
What is supposed to be one of the most joyous times in my life has recently felt like a bad dream, mostly because I am in a constant state of regret. Regret that I can’t take back the harsh words that seem to fly out of my mouth or the time I’ve wasted in a rotten mood.
My family has taken the brunt of my hostility and while I know they forgive me for being a kook, it doesn’t mean that I am not disappointed in myself for behaving in the way that I have.
We prayed for the little girl growing inside my belly maybe harder than you (my readers) will ever know. She is our little miracle and I should be over the moon at all times. I try to remind myself of this in the midst of seeing red or black, but there are times when my emotions are out of my control.
How do you handle intense pregnancy emotions?
So what does one do? I’ve tried my essential oils – talked my best friend Kim’s ear off – cycled at Flywheel – and distracted myself with books. I love on Annabelle, listen to uplifting music, and count the number of ways I am blessed. I attempt to do all the things that SHOULD make me calm and happy. But that ugly nasty monster called hormones sneaks up behind my back and breaths fire in my face.
To all my pregnant readers, do you ever feel out of control emotionally? If so, what did you do? How did you stay grounded when you feel like you are floating off into outer space?
Erin says
OMG, I could have written this myself! I never experienced this with my first pregnancy and only once for about a week after I weaned Lucille last spring, but since becoming pregnant in the fall, I have bouts of this “depression” and just intense emotion more often then I’d like. The weird thing is, that I know when it’s happening and I just can’t seem to control it. It usually ends up with me holding it all in until I become completely overwhelmed with emotion and then cry and cry for hours. I try not to “break” around Lucy, since, like Annabelle, she becomes concerned, but as soon as she’s in bed asleep all bets are off. I hate that it happens and after I’ve cried it out, I seem to be fine again and regret all the time I “wasted” while feeling down, but from what I’ve read, its completely normal and should level out eventually.
P.S. I ALWAYS cry when I bump my head – no matter what – and sometimes I even cry when I see other people bump their heads! so weird 🙂
T says
Yes!! Everything you said is relatable and the only thing that helped me was Reiki sessions once a month!! It is life changing and I would give it a try if your open to it.
Jessica says
OMG yes!!! I was so stressed about money when I was pregnant with my first that I sobbed in the shower, and when my husband tried to tell me it was going to be ok, I opened the shower door, threw a shampoo bottle at him and screamed ‘NO ITS NOT!!!!’ I was a total mess, and I experienced it in pregnancy and after. You are not alone!!! Having alone time helped me… I’d read or just sit quietly, or organize something, because putting things in order helped calm my mind down. I’m here if you need a friend to reach out to! xoxo
Kayleigh says
I don’t have much advice on how to fix this, other than something I have been working hard on myself. Just giving yourself a little bit of grace. Just know that you’re trying, know that it’s hard, know that you don’t mean it, and know that a lot of it is out of your control. You know the problem, and you’re trying. That’s honestly all you can do. Don’t beat yourself up over it. Just give yourself some grace. Maybe cut down on some stressful things. Take a little extra time to do things that are relaxing or you love. Know that this too will pass. It’s just a wave. A cloud. You’ll get through it.
Lizzie says
Girl, I have SO been there! One time while pregnant and having one of my *moments* (for no real reason whatsover) my hubby was trying to understand but out of my frustration I threw a remote and hit our wall and nicked part of the dry wall off….everytime I looked at what I did I wanted to cry. I just liked to be alone laying down when I would get like that and collect myself. It’s so hard because we don’t mean to be like this, thank goodness for forgiving family, right!?
Kirstie says
I hear ya! I had nothing like this with my first pregnancy, but this pregnancy I have had depression and severe anxiety. Which I had never experienced before! I would cry and scream, be laughing and be perfectly content all within a day and it was emotionally exhausting. I don’ know in the civilian world what they do, but being military they strongly monitor this and I have been able to talk to a therapist about it. Letting it all out definitely helped. I only went a couple times, and decided to try it on my own, because I’m stubborn. But so far I’m ok. I make sure to take time for myself, focus on the positive, take time to do fun things and stay away from people who make me stressed or who are constantly dramatic. So grateful my hubby is super forgiving and just lets me cry ha.
Jenni says
I had severe depression/anxiety after my first child and started seeing a maternal mental health physcologist “therapist”. She helped me so much that I started seeing her immediately after I learned I was pregnant with my second. It really helps to talk to a professional and work through things before they add up and you explode. Hope you feel better soon.
Rachel says
I basically could have written this. I’m a first time mom, 35 weeks pregnant with a little girl. I feel like I’ve been a miserable hag my whole pregnancy. I’ve basically tried everything you have too, including essential oils, and once I’m in that funk it is very hard to pull me out. I think I’ve spent more time crying while pregnant than anything else! So if anything, just know you are not alone. I am not sure how to control it or what to do, I don’t have any sage advice because I am looking for the same! I did tell my OB and she said as long as I’m getting out of bed and able to go about my day it’s pretty normal… Though I wouldn’t describe myself as normal right now :p you are not alone mama. We are all doing the best we can.
Kristin says
You are not alone lady! There have been so many occasions where my rational mind tells me how ridiculous I am being and yet I can’t control the feelings of stress, anxiety and even sadness. I’ve had many moments of loneliness despite having an incredible support system. I wish there was some kind of magic that made it all make sense or provided an answer or cure or strategy for managing it because I could really use that magic!
Tayler Morrell says
Talk to your doctor!
I also had pre-partum depression. It was rough. I felt bad for my students during the last Quarter of school (my 3rd trimester). Keep doing what you are doing…open up to the Lord.
but, really, talk to your doctor!
Courtney {Alkeks Abroad} says
Ugh I could have written this two. Everything puts me in the worst mood or stresses me out to tears. I feel like the meanest person allllll the time. My husband even said the other day how he can’t wait for my hormones to be back to normal (clearly that went over well). I’m so glad you wrote this because I feel like I’m nuts because I am so happy/excited about the baby but I also have this constant dark cloud over me.
Celeste Croley says
I was the same way when pregnant with my first child. I could NOT control my emotions at all. I would cry for hours for no reason at all. It was completely unexplainable and lasted pretty much the whole 9 months! Come to find out…my thyroid had died during the pregnancy and was leading to the majority of my emotional issues. I am hoping I will be able to control them better in my next pregnancy now that I am on medication. It’s nice to know that other women go through this, too–not that ANY of us want to experience it. I would at least mention it to see if your thyroid levels are off.