Today I woke up feeling a little more refreshed than the past three days because I actually slept through the night (even though the nightmares were on constant replay). However, as soon as I looked at my phone, I knew something was up. I had a text from my friend here that said, “Where does Mo live? Turn on the news.”
I started shaking before I could hit the ON button.
CNN was already on and the headline read, “1 Terrorist Dead, 1 Terrorist on the Run.” If I could, I would have stayed right in bed watching everything unfold, but my students needed me.
I figured out a way to stream the news here at school using my phone as a hotspot. It looks like an episode of “Homeland” – cops on rooftops with guns drawn, buses filled with police, the whole city of Boston on lockdown. What is the world coming to?
People keep telling me that this event will make me stronger. I need to look at the fact that I am alive as a blessing and to be thankful I wasn’t injured. I’ve been told to move forward. It is a lot harder said than done. My heart is aching knowing there are so many people who didn’t walk away unharmed like myself. Knowing they are in hospitals without limbs, with grave injuries to their bodies, some have lost their hearing…. how can I get over that?
Rugg texted me yesterday to ask how I was holding up… we shared with one another how loud noises are making us jumpy and uneasy. I wonder, how long will this go on? Even the shouts of my students on the playground yesterday made me quiver. I keep hearing the screams of the people running away from the bomb site. And then the screams of those running to the bomb site – helping the injured.
I want peace. I want silence… I also want to cry. I can’t cry though – the tears start to come and then they stop. I feel like there is something blocking those tears – a lump made out of grief that stems from what I witnessed and knowing how many people are suffering. A blockage created by anger and confusion – Why did this happen? Who would do such a horrific thing?
I am watching CNN Live right now… police activity and press being pulled back… I can only imagine what is about to happen……
Praying for the safety of the police and the FBI and the press….praying they catch him….
Prayers for you. I simply can’t imagine. I have shared your story of the Marathon day with so many. God definitely had his hands on you and your friends and family. I hope Boston feels the love and the prayers from those of us all over the country.
Prayers from Nashville.
Prayers from Worcester MA
Praying for you. I pray that peace comes to you. I pray they catch him and I pray no more lives are lost.
Prayers from Alpharetta
Prayers for you and your friends. This is still so unreal to me.
Big hugs to you from Philly. Hang in there.
Prayers for you and your friend! Hope everyone is ok
It’s going to be hard for awhile, but you’ll get through it. I’m pretty sure you’re suffering from PTSD, and it’s okay to seek help for it. You witnessed a lot. That along with your guilt for walking away unharmed can tear you apart, and you don’t want that. I’ve seen too many soldiers go through this, and I don’t want that for you. If it continues, please talk to someone about it.
Praying for you and all of those involved. Stay safe!
I’ve been thinking about you all week! I can’t even imagine how traumatizing that moment was for you! We’re all thinking about you out here in Blogland.
Amberly
http://amberlyandjoe.blogspot.com
I want to hug you. And I wish we could make it all go away. I hope that you can find peace and comfort sooner rather than later. Sending love from CT!
Not sure if anyone has brought this up, but if you continue to have problems with nightmares and loud noises, maybe you should consider seeing someone about it. I have an anxiety disorder and there is nothing wrong with sometimes needing just some extra support from a professional. It can be temporary. Just a thought. I hope you find comfort soon though.
Prayers for you girl. I can’t even imagine. This is a crazy, crazy world.
Prayers to you in this crazy world! I am having nightmares just watching it unfold on television, I can’t even imagine what you must be going through. Remember that it is always okay to seek professional help — My therapist changed my life and gave me comfort after some traumatic events. Sending thoughts, prayers, strength and love from New York!
Thank you for sharing your story and for being so open. I am certainly keeping you in my thoughts as all this unfolds – I am a relatively new follower but I feel that something brought me to your blog at the right time! You are so strong, and the way you are feeling is not surprising. Do you think it’s possible that you’re experiencing PTSD? I read that they were bringing “comfort animals,” dogs and other animals like bunnies and cats, to comfort the people affected by the tragedy – I know they were bringing them to the hospitals but I bet there are things like that available for witnesses as well. I hope you start to feel better soon!
I’ve been thinking about you during all of this. Thank GOD they got that guy. GOD answered my prayers…that’s for sure!! I think as time goes on…it’ll get easier. Unfortunately, it’s just still fresh on your mind. I can’t imagine. I don’t wanna imagine. It’s absolutely horrible and sooo sad.
They got ’em sweet friend. Ugh I’m kind of annoyed at what some people are telling you. You are allowed to feel whatever you want to feel. Sounds a little bit like survivor guilt. I would definitely encourage you to look into maybe seeing someone you can talk to about all this and can help you with coping strategies. I know you are talking to people that mean well but still. I bet those years will find their way out. It’s ok to cry. Hugs!