By the time you have your third child, you’re not the same mom you were with your first. Especially if you wait five years.
You’re calmer—but also more tired. More confident—but also way less strict. Somewhere along the way, the rules you swore by just start to feel… negotiable.
This isn’t because you care less about your third child. It’s because you finally understand what actually matters—and what doesn’t. You also decided waving the white flag is much easier than going to battle.
Everything I do with my third child that I never did the first time around.
I take note every time we, as parents, do something inherently different with our third child than we did with our first two. If I miss the change, my daughters often point out what they never got to do when they were little. No one is mad about the third child parenting differences – and Mom and Dad aren’t ashamed. We have accepted our fates and this is what we do to survive.
Massive amounts of screen time.
Truth be told, my oldest child rarely watched television. She didn’t have an iPad (it was 2013) and never looked at my phone. Annabelle always had more important things to do. When her baby sister was born and needed all of my attention, I would turn on Daniel Tiger – which she ultimately enjoyed watching. But that was it.
My second daughter’s screen time began later in life as well – and was accompanied by mom guilt, timers, and rules.
With my third? The screen time has been a form of survival. Sometimes it’s the only way I can cook dinner, tend to the big sisters uninterrupted, or just sit down for five minutes without being touched. And you know what? She’s happy. I’m sane. We move on.
Lock the house door during the day.
Locking the door while we were home used to seem unnecessary. Dramatic, even. Then one random day, my three year old middle child decided she wanted to go outside to play… alone. We quickly caught her, but our reactions were enough to scare her indoors for the rest of her life.
My third child did not respond to my emotional outburst in the same way the first time she stumbled out the front door. Nor did she care how she frightened us the second. So our locked door isn’t fear—it’s experience.
Sleep training at an early age.
I hesitated so much the first two times around—reading every opinion, second-guessing every decision. Sleep training sounded difficult and horrific. So what did we do? We let our first two babies lead our lives with their sleep (or lack of) schedules. And I didn’t sleep a solid 6-8 hours for 5 years.
By baby number three, I was NOT messing around. The only captain of the ship would be me (or Dad). It wasn’t easy at first, but we worked with the most incredible sleep trainer who changed our lives. This is one of the most important third child parenting decisions – sleep schedules are a must.
A well-rested baby (and parents) are everything.
Freedom to dress herself.
Matching outfits used to matter. Crisp smocked dresses, ruffle socks, and headbands used to matter. Everything perfectly coordinated for the sisters was crucial.
Now? If she has pants on, we are all winning.
Use a pacifier.
Not everything needs to be a battle. I overthought this so much with my first two and took the pacis away at an early age.
Now? Well at four years old we are very close to leaving the pacis out for the Pacifier Fairy – but since she was born our motto was: If it comforts her, it comforts us all.
Accept the mess.
The mess used to stress me out. Constant cleaning, constant resetting. Organizing and decluttering.
Now I see it differently—this is what playing looks like. This is what joy looks like.
The house can wait. Childhood can’t.
Slow down.
This is the biggest change of all.
With my first, I rushed everything—milestones, schedules, routines, even the days themselves. With our second, I didn’t have to rush anything because it happened on it’s own. We were so busy with life, we just let it fly by until the pandemic slowed us down.
THIS IS WHY WE HAD A THIRD afterall.
So I sit a little longer. I say yes a little more. I try not to worry about doing things “right” and instead focus on what we are all doing together.
This time, the third time, I understand: it’s not about perfection — it’s about being present for the moments that we will never have again.
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