“So, how are you feeling?” is such a loaded question to ask a pregnant girl. I always want to reply, “Do you really care how I feel or are you just being polite?”
As a first timer entering her 32nd week of pregnancy, I am asked those five words at least three times a day. Once always comes from my Mom. I usually answer, “I feel great!” or “Pretty good, getting a little tired.” The truth is – I never tell (unless it is my mom) how I truly feel because I am always afraid that they really don’t care. No one wants to hear someone complain – and us pregnant girls usually have a lot to complain about. A real lot.
If you asked me right now how I am feeling, and I wanted to be brutally honest, this is what I’d tell ya…
My vulvar varicose vein is bulging and hurts.
Annabelle keeps kicking me in the ribs, so I can’t get comfortable.
I feel like I pee every 5 minutes and I am sick of peeing.
Something smells bad.
My lower back is achy.
My left heel stings when I put too much weight on it.
I can’t breathe when I am sitting, laying down, or standing.
I hate clothes. I want to sit around naked, but my boobs hang over my belly, making it even harder for me to breath. Oh, and I don’t like the idea of my bare bottom on furniture.
My mouth is constantly dry and I’ve already eaten 5 large cups of ice today. Nothing helps.
I am tired.
My thighs are rubbing together when I walk and I am afraid I am going to start a fire.
I am feeling a little frustrated and annoyed over absolutely nothing.
I also feel anxious – for no reason at all – and a little like I could cry at the drop of a dime.
Do you notice that everything I’ve said is negative? Do you notice how I sound like a miserable pregnant woman? Should I care how I sound?? Pregnant girls get away with sounding crazy, right?
I do care how I sound. I care because I don’t want Annabelle to hear me complaining. I care because I don’t want people to look at me and think, “Wow I feel bad for her husband.”
I care because all of that negative crap is just a rant.
I am NOT wretchedly unhappy.
I am extremely happy.
I am so happy that sometimes I feel like my heart could explode with joy.
I wanted to be pregnant and here I am… 8 weeks away from my due date. And I have to admit something that I never thought I would feel – something I never understood how a pregnant woman could feel after all of craziness happening to our bodies…
I kind of love being pregnant.
I love feeling Annabelle move inside of me. I love how my baby bump looks from the front. I love how it looks from the side. I love to rest my hands on my belly. I love the way that strangers smile when they see that I am pregnant. I love how B talks to his daughter at night. I love how she seems to kick back when she hears his voice.
I love knowing that I am growing a tiny human inside of me. I love that I am carrying an itty bitty gift of life.
So next time I am asked that question – maybe I will tell the truth. Maybe I will say, “Physically I feel like crap. But emotionally and mentally – I feel blessed, overjoyed, lucky, and amazing.”