For the record, I never knew that there were only a few days a month that a girl could get pregnant. They don’t tell you that in health class. It just didn’t seem possible that all those teen moms on MTV, and in the world, happened to do the deed on her special days. I actually asked my ob-gyn to explain it to me… My doctor was useless and told me that the only way to have a baby is to have sex – well DUH, but a baby can’t be made any day of the month!
That is just one thing that they don’t tell you in health class. Want to know some more? I am learning so many wonderful things that can happen to a woman when her body is flooded with progesterone and she is growing a tiny human in her belly.
1. When you get pregnant, your breasts will hurt so bad that you swear they are filled with daggers and fire. The slightest touch will make you holler – even your bra will become your worst enemy.
2. When you get pregnant, your back will break out like the face of a 15 year old boy. You cannot pop these pimples – they are just big, red bumps that stare out at the people standing behind you – and laugh all day long behind your back. You will also break out on your chest, neck, and forehead.
3. When you get pregnant, you will SPOT like you are about to have your period. This spotting comes at random times and you will think you are having a miscarriage every time it happens. This is supposedly normal when it is light and a certain color…
4. When you get pregnant, you will have annoying cramps like you are about to have your period. This will also make you think that you are about to lose your baby.
5. When you get pregnant, you will have so much extra saliva in your mouth that you drool in your sleep – or sometimes mid-sentence while talking to the lady at the register in Target.
6. When you get pregnant, you will crave food items you have not eaten in years. You will crave food that you know will make your IBS go crazy. Salami, Mortadella, Provolone, spicy pepper, and mayo sandwiches? Yah – that’s a new one for me.
7. When you get pregnant, your mid-section widens and starts to look like a tree trunk. Remember that cute waist you used to have, say goodbye to that cute waist, because before you even have a baby bump, it will disappear under a layer of chub.
8. When you get pregnant, you need to drink so much water you feel like you’ll explode or you will have leg cramps, dizziness, low blood pressure, nausea, etc. I have even read about moms getting Braxton Hicks contractions from being dehydrated!
9. When you get pregnant, you will have terrible mood swings. Picture this: You’re driving along and a great song comes on the radio. You start singing and you feel your heart swelling and you are just the happiest you’ve ever felt in your whole life. Then, someone cuts you off, and you are fire red angry, and start to plot how you’d shave the woman in the Beemer’s eyebrows off using a straight blade razor. Two seconds later, you’re hysterical over the dead squirrel in the middle of the road. I am on a rollercoaster of emotion that I can’t get off.
10. When you get pregnant, you will despise the word: gas. It happens and it is not pleasant. Being someone with gastritis, the symptoms have intensified, and now even water makes my belly gurgle.
11. When you get pregnant, you will be dizzier than you felt that time you rode the Mind Eraser at the carnival. This is a new symptom for me that I am really struggling with. Me and the little black spots that dance around in front of my eyes are BFF.
Oh man. I wanted biscuits and gravy every dang day.
Love the honesty in this post. Gives an accurate description of what it’s like (I haven’t been pregnant) but it seems very true. Love this!!!
Congratulations! If you end up being pregnant with a little boy, beware of PUPPPS! I had a boy first and then another boy. And during my pregnancy with my second son I got this terrible pregnancy induced rash all over my belly and feet. It was called PUPPPS. It was awful! Only a swim in the pool could help. And it doesn’t go away until the baby is out! Something about the hormone in little boys’ urine.
Have fun! It’s totally and completely worth it!
http://www.MommaCandy.com
Hahaha awh!!! I giggle because I know this too well!! I promise it gets better! I pretty much had everyone one of these symptoms plus intense morning sickness! Somewhere deep into the second trimester I stopped feeling bad and started feeling AMAZING!!!
It’s crazy what it does to your body! Glad you’re hanging in there despite the monster gas!
I had the hiccups everyday for 5 months. Apparently my Grandmother and Mom did too. I’m not exactly sure how that got passed down to me, but it did. When I would tell doctors, they were like “oh ya, the baby get the hiccups,” then I would pretty much tell them to wait for it….and hiccup. Luckily they were small hiccups and no noises would come out but were pretty annoying while in meetings and church since my whole belly would jump.
Haha. These are hilarious. I love the spit. Ill jut nickname you Spitz.
Yup, this is pretty much spot on. My favorite story from my pregnancy is when I was at work and noticed my cottage cheese had expired, so I called my hubby to see if I should still eat it…and when he said “no” I cried and hung up on him. Then called him back 10 minutes later crying because I had been so mean to him.
BAH I love the “Spitz” nickname above 🙂 🙂 I love the honesty. I’m YEARS away from (hopefully) having a baby and I’m sure I will be the PICTURES of grace and elegance haha *not*
Oh my goodness I so agree with everything. I swear your having a girl because our pregnancies seem so similar!!
Bless your heart! I’m at the 7 month mark in my pregnancy and it’s been fairly easy until this point. Keep your chin up though…you look amazing!
Itchy armpits (breast tissue expanding). What I deemed “lightning crotch,” or random sharp pains in your hooha. Bloody nose/gums from the increased blood flow. The list could go on and on…….
This post made me laugh. I already have acne like a 15 year old boy after stopping my birth control. And cravings for weird things.. hello, goat cheese and tomato juice with horseradish! I’m afraid for when I do get pregnant!!!
You have IBS? I do too and it sucks. Awesome knowing all my health problems will just get worse when I get preggers
Random, but I used to have the worst back acne and it was just like that!!!! I still get it sometimes if I’m not being good and washing it with the right stuff, but it is much more under control. I hope it doesn’t come back with pregnancy. One thing that’s worked for me is the Clean & Clear face wash that is in a purplish blue bottle (I wish I could remember the name of it), it’s like breakout fighting or something and it has 10% Benzoyl Peroxide. I put that on a back scrubbing loofa every morning and after I work out and it helps keep everything at bay! Maybe that would help?
Amberly
http://lifewithamberlyandjoe.com
Yup! Had all this. Also, my favorite side effect – uncontrollable laughing fits. Where some women would just start bawling for no reason, me, I laughed! Hysterically! It was awesome. My husband and I miss that… 🙂 Good luck Mama!
http://www.homemadedailyadventures.blogspot.com
Oh yes…they many things they dont tell you. You should read up now on all the things they dont tell you about giving birth and right after birth. I remember being pretty much like ‘um…why didnt anyone mention this??’ 😉
Bonnie Rose | A Compass Rose
Such a great post! Made me laugh out loud, since I could relate to almost every single thing you listed. 🙂 Even though it’s been more than six years since my last pregnancy, I still remember it like it was yesterday! Also, if you think your breasts hurt now, just wait until your milk comes in…ouch!!
For me this is a relatively easy quioetsn, but has a pretty complex answer. The specialty I have actually looked forward to working with is OB/GYN. I find that the ability of a woman’s body to produce a child, endure the amount of abuse it takes during a pregnancy, and the amount of pain endured during delivery is amazing. The joy of being able to be present as life enters the world is truly one of the greatest moments in life. To me that would be the best possible option. I also would love working in the operating room with a surgeon. I have experienced the OR quite a few times, and have been on both sides of the table. I have to say I would love to work with any surgeon in the OR except for Orthopedics. The reason behind that is the surgery’s are pretty brutal when it comes to the skeletal system. Having been in the OR with an Orthopedic surgeon and seeing the use of the saws, hammers and other heavy equipment in order to perform the surgery just sends chills up my spine. I know that type of surgery is not for me. I think my favorite surgeries have to be that of the abdominal cavity. The specialties that I would least like to work for are few, and for simple reasons. Pediatrics is not a specialty for me since I have four children of my own. My Aunt is a neonatal nurse practitioner and I followed her in high school and saw the good, the bad, and the ugly so I can honestly say I could not emotionally handle that type of position. Podiatry is also an area I could not see myself working. The reason behind this is pretty silly, but here goes, I very much dislike other peoples feet especially if they are not well kept. I know in the medical field you will encounter feet on a daily basis, but I could not mainly work with feet on an everyday basis. My last specialty is Orthopedics for the reasons I noted above about the barbaric nature of the surgeries and treatments for the musculoskeletal system. Its just not for me.
Why are ob-gyns so useless sometimes?? When I asked mine a few years ago what exactly HPV was and whether I needed to get vaccinated for it she just kept telling me, “you get it from having sex!” I don’t think she actually knew the medical details, and just wanted to sell me the shot….Anyway! Congratulations and sorry you are struggling with these annoying symptoms! At least you have a sense of humor about it 🙂
YES! HAHA All of these are so true. The breaking out was the most annoying for me. Don’t worry… it’s still happening, not as often, but still happening in the third trimester. So that’s fun!
hahaha this post made me laugh out loud! I’m saving it one day for when I’m pregnant to remind myself that I’m not the only one!! 🙂