Working mom guilt is real. It is so hard to say goodbye every day to my daughter and is getting harder as she grows older.
It’s Wednesday… and I think it’s safe to say that this week is hard. It started Monday morning when my FIL came to pick up Annabelle. I told him I couldn’t say “Bye,” and had to hide when he took her out to the car. I didn’t even say goodbye and I hate not saying goodbye. I didn’t tell her I loved her for fear she would figure out he was about to take her away.
Thankfully she didn’t cry… until yesterday and this morning when she was dropped off at daycare. She hung on so tightly to my shirt you would think I was trying to hand her to the devil. She SOBBED this morning when she realized we were at daycare before we even got into her classroom.
Working Mom Guilt
It is getting harder and harder to drop Annabelle off at daycare now that she is older and more aware of her surroundings. She knows what “Bye” means – so I can’t even say it. She knows that once I leave, I am not coming right back, so she hugs me like a spider monkey as soon as we get into the building and refuses to let me go.
How do you do it? How do you not cry all the way to work knowing your precious baby is crying herself silly and looking for you to walk back through the door?
Is it something I am supposed to get used to? Is it something SHE is supposed to get used to?
Yesterday when my MIL picked her up from daycare she was standing at the tables all by herself. She wasn’t playing with the other babies. She wasn’t smiling. She was sad… probably wondering why the heck she was in a room full of crazy kids and when her parents were coming back.
This morning I’ve already received two photos from daycare – in both she is alone. She has her paci in her mouth and she is clutching her bunny. One photos caption “Watching my friends from afar.” Is that supposed to make me feel better?
I want her to be like the other babies. Their Moms set them down in the room every morning and they run to play with the toys. How come my daughter doesn’t want to play with the toys? When we are at home, or at any of our family member’s homes, she plays so contentedly by herself. Is it that her daycare is scary? Does she not feel comfortable in the place she goes three times a week? How is it possible she is more comfortable in my brother’s house when she is only there every four months?
So many questions and probably not many answers. I am feeling really sad this morning. Being a working mom is so hard. I almost wish I didn’t feel well, so I had a reason to leave school and go pick her up.
I miss my girl.
Oh honey, I just want to reach out and hug you! It’s okay to be sad about it, really. I’m sure she does miss you, and I totally get the missing her part. Breaks from routine are hard for kids to understand, especially at that age. Abbie has had a weird few weeks of not going to daycare every day, and there was a day she wouldn’t nap the other week, probably because it just felt off to her. It’ll get better, but never completely. Unfortunately, this is just something we have to deal with as working moms, and sometimes it just sucks. Hang in there momma, and let me know if you need an ear. <3
Thanks so much Jess! I do feel a bit better knowing its normal to be sad.
I know exactly how you feel. Kaedin has been crying every day when I leave him. The daycare teacher actually pointed out to me a couple of weeks ago that Kaedin going through awful seperation anxiety even when his primary teachers leave the room. Hang in there.
Oh this sucks! I just hate that our babies are so aware now. I *almost* miss when they didn’t know who we were haha. NOT. But to not have the tears would be nice…
Sorry the transition back to your normal routine has been hard. Hopefully things calm down and she becomes happier at school. I would be sad if #babybigtruck was like that too! Hugs
Thanks Nikki! I am hoping that it will eventually get easier… and if not – at least we have the summer together!
awww this makes me sad. I know it’s hard. Maybe she can sense that you don’t wanna leave her too. I don’t know. Unfortunately I don’t have any experience in this department. I would just say it will get better with time. She probably feels more comfortable at your brother’s house…well because your there. It’s family. She knows her family. Keep your chin up.
Try to talk to her and be excited for her to go and maybe it’ll change her reaction. {Even if your really not.} Just think of the positive. They love her and aren’t going to let anything happen to her. She’s being taken care of….and just count down the hours til you pick her up. :)’
I am definitely going to try to be excited tomorrow. Part of the problem is she’s too smart for her own good and can see I’m faking it!
She’ll get used to it. It’s always hard to be somewhere when they haven’t for awhile. And when you are at your brother’s house, you are all there so she has her “people”. I worked in daycare for a long time and I’ve seen this and it gets better. Consistency helps. She was home with you for awhile, so she is still getting used to being somewhere else. As she gets older, she will be able to adjust more easily. It might still be hard for her sometimes, that’s just how some kids are, but I promise that once she gets that you leave, she has fun, then you come back, then she will be better. I’ve had pretty much the same schedule with my guy since May, he’s been with me, my husband, my mom, or a friend. That’s it. But he’s never really got used to being with anyone else but me, and I was only home for 8 weeks. It’s something with babies and their Mommas. Although I’m sure that doesn’t help your heart break less. I’m with ya, it’s hard and it sucks. My guy cried all yesterday afternoon. Hope it gets easier!
You’re right about consistency! It’s just she only goes Tues-Thurs =0(
Ryan went through a phase like this after he had strep last year. He was home for a week and going back to daycare was tough for him. He cried for almost 2 weeks when I dropped him off (hes there 3 days a week). He was totally fine with my in laws though. Shelly (his teacher) told me to drop him off and leave and not make a big deal about saying goodbye until hes over the separation and it worked. Yes, it sucked not saying goodbye and giving him lots of hugs and kisses (I did that as I took him out of the car instead) and just left him there. She said he would only cry for a few minutes and after about 2 weeks he was happy as ever to be there in the mornings. We would talk about daycare when he wasn’t there and how fun it was and what fun stuff he does there just to make sure he knew it was a happy place to be. Not sure it did anything but it made me feel better! Good luck! I’m sure its just a phase after not being there for a while. I know it sucks on your end though 🙁
Aw this makes me so so sad. I handle drop offs very easily … by making my husband do it! It’s really closer to his work now anyhow but I really really hate doing it. My LO still seems to not mind the hand off, but I worry that a day is coming when she does hate it. Sorry, I’m not being a lot of help here, I just wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you and giving you a creepy internet hug.
Thanks for the hug Lisa =0) I wish I could make B do it all the time – but it’s more convenient for me to drop her off!
I’m lucky to be able to stay home with my 8 month old for now, but lately he’s been having problems when I leave him in child care at the gym. When I pick him up, he acts just like you described: sitting sadly by himself with his paci. I feel so guilty!! I can’t imagine how much worse it will be when he goes to real daycare 🙁 🙁 Hang in there Mama! I think this is a normal phase unfortunately.
My heart breaks for you. I can’t even imagine what you are going through. I am so sorry that it has been such a rough week so far. I know that it will get better…it always does! Just think…you are half way through the school year and it is summer again! 🙂
Hang in there mama!!! Being sad is so normal and it sucks. I think she may be feeling the situation out and seeing if she wants to play with them. My son went to daycare for 2 years from the time he was 6 weeks old since I was in the military and had to go back to work. I cried every day and went to spend time with him every day at lunch. Eventually when he got comfortable (and older) I stopped going because me being there actually impacted his behavior with his friends. Now he is 3 and I’ve been a stay at home mom for a year and when I put him in social situations with other kids he plays independently still. I now cry again every time. I write all of that to say she will get used to being around them, they may be to intense for her, she may prefer to play alone for a while, she may miss her mommy but whatever the reason is it’ll all be okay. As long as the teachers encourage her to play with her friends and ease her into it’ll happen. I promise! Hugs from afar!!
Sending you a hug! As a mom, I don’t know what is worse. When they cry and cling to you or when they run into their classroom and don’t say, “I love you too.” I remember going to work and feeling bad that my son just went right in, didn’t hug me goodbye, and got busy with some right away and couldn’t look away to tell me bye. It would bother me all day. Sure, I had a “well-adjusted” kid, but I’m his mom. Why didn’t he care that I was leaving him?
Trust me, I think saying goodbye is harder on us than them. There were mornings I would leave Alex and he would cry. I would call later and he was over it. I was still sad and he had moved on to toys and snacks. I think as mothers, we feel guilty when we can’t be there.
Anyway, don’t know if any of that helps. I know it’s hard. Just think, one day she’ll be a teen and want you to drop her off a block away from school and you’ll do it because you’re tired of her eye rolling and attitude. 🙂
Kimberly
I totally feel for you! Rhys is 6 months and just starting to get some separation anxiety (in our own house if I leave the room). Thankfully, he loves his babysitter/nanny and didn’t skip a beat when I dropped him off on Monday, two weeks since he last saw her. However, it was harder for me, and still is everyday (especially since he’s still having trouble getting back into his routine after two weeks of vacations). That is one of the reasons I’m not returning to teaching next year and will be a SAHM.
I just teared up reading your post! I hope things get better for you soon! I am not looking forward to this as Avery gets older! Hugs, mama!
It’s hard. It’s so hard. Just remember that maybe you were sent the pictures where she is alone because of privacy concerns – she may have been playing with the other kids, but they couldn’t send those pics.
Also, I think not saying goodbye can make it harder on the kids. I hug my boys and say “Mommy is going bye bye, but she’ll be back at the end of the day. I love you.” I never want them to turn around and wonder where I went.
Aw, my heart is sad for you. I don’t have any advice since my baby’s still inside me but i’m sending a mental hug your way <3