I know I am not the first one to do it. I know I am lucky I was able to even do it. I know in a few weeks it will feel normal and these feelings will be nothing but a bad memory. I know we will have a new routine – one where I try to drag out every waking minute we have together – instead of absentmindedly letting precious minutes pass us by. I know it is what is best for our family right now. I know… it isn’t the end of the world, it is just the end of one chapter in my life and the beginning of another.
Today is my last day at home with Annabelle. It is my last day to just be Annabelle’s Mom. Tomorrow I become Annabelle’s Mom and a first grade teacher. It is a role that I honestly did not want to take on for quite some time. But life called and the reality is that both Mommy and Daddy need to be working right now. Maybe someday I will be home again with my girl… and possibly another little H… but for now, my presence is more valuable in the workforce.
Annabelle fell asleep with her face against mine. It’s like she knows our time together is ending. Melt my heart little Bellie.
I am going to miss waking up together in the mornings. I am going to miss nursing her in bed. I am going to miss our coffee/playtime at the kitchen table. I am going to miss dumping all of her toys out of the basket together – and then chasing her as she crawls after the tv remote or kitty cat. I am going to miss how she rubs her eyes when she is ready for her first nap. I will even miss how she cries a little before she falls asleep… I could break down every moment of our daily routine. The one we’ve had since she was born 7 1/2 months ago. Every little moment that I will cherish forever – especially when she is all grown up.
I am worried about so many different things. What if she refuses to eat? She has never gone a whole 8-9 hours with only a bottle. What if she is scared? What if she gets hurt? I am going to be over 30 minutes away. What if she is overtired, crying, and no one can soothe her? My heart hurts just thinking about it… There are so many what ifs and no answers.
How has it already been 7 1/2 months since my sweet girl was born?
Call me dramatic, but tomorrow is going to be a long, sad day. I hope that she is happy, distracted, and has fun with her Coco – and I hope I am distracted, happy, and having fun preparing for the school year. Next week is going to be worse when we drop her off at baby school for the first time on Tuesday. B and I are going to bring her together. I already know I am not going to be able to hide my tears when I say goodbye.
Moms… how did you do it? How did you handle the sadness and anxiety of going back to work after having a baby?
I can only say I understand your anxieties. I’ve never left my boy (13.5 months), and I get emotional thinking of leaving him for an hour or two. You are right, that moms have done this for a long time. But that doesn’t make it easy. The transition may be really tough or it may be easy. But it won’t last forever. And you’ve built a seriously strong bond up to this point. That’s going to stick. You have been so great until now in the role staying home with her. And you’re going to be great in the role of working and helping to provide for her in a new way. Good luck!! I’ll be thinking about you.
Thank you so much Bethany for commenting. It helps to know I am not alone in this transition – to know that other Moms have done it, that other Moms fear it, and that Moms DO survive, lol.
I went back to work when Sarah was 6 weeks old – I just took the regular maternity leave. It was hard but she was cared for by family so it worked out OK for us. We structured her schedule so she napped in the afternoon (until she was 5) so she could stay up later (until 9ish) with us so we’d have family time in the evening. I have read that it’s good for girls to have working moms as it shows them what they can accomplish (at home and in the workplace/volunteering). For me it was important the my non-work time revolved around my family. I was her scout leader for 7 years and was happy to be the mom who drove a group places or had kids over to play. It worked out fine for us.
Thank you so much Lisa for sharing your story! I totally agree that it is important for little girls to see their Moms working. I hope that someday I will have the time to do things like you did with Sarah – Girl Scouts or hosting play dates!
Sending hugs and thoughts your way! Although I don’t do it everyday. I have done it for a whole week and a few days here and there. The first couple of days will be hard. Just know that it is totally ok to cry. It does get easier. She will adjust to her new surroundings and to the bottles after awhile. This will make you savor every little moment that much more. You are doing the right thing for her in the long run! Love you!
Thank you Caroline! I know she will get used to those bottles… =0) And in the end – you are SO right that I will appreciate time with her even moreso than ever before – and that this is for the best!
The day I went back to work was the hardest day of my life. I feel like lucky to say that but honestly, it was so hard. BUT after like two days, it was actually really nice to have the break from the house and have some more adult interaction and also to feel like I was contributing financially. I’ll be thinking of you my friend!!!!!!!
Thank you SO much Kristin for sharing your experience and for thinking of me. It helps to hear that it will get easier. I am definitely looking forward to making some new adult friends at my job too =0)
I did it like you and went back to work on a Friday to ease the transition. I spent 13 weeks home and going back to work was both easy and hard. I was excited to get dressed again on a daily basis and know I was guaranteed at least 40 hours of adult conversation.
But that feeling wore off after a few weeks and since then, there’s been an ache in my heart every day I drop my baby boy off at daycare. I know he’s okay and well cared for, but c’mon, no one can take care of your child like you can.
It will get easier and then it will get hard again. That’s just the ebb and flow of life. Good luck! I’ll be thinking of you!
“No one can take care of your child like you can…” Isn’t that the truth? That is one of the biggest things I am struggling with. Thankfully my MIL will be with her twice a week. I know she loves her like she is her own, but it’s when she is at baby school I, of course, wonder.
Thank you for sharing your story with me. It means so much!
Good luck!! Even now with a 22 month old, having been back at work for over a year and a half, it’s still hard. The pleads of “mommy no work” are tough to swallow. We do daycare three days/week and my MIL watches her two days/week. It’s a crazy hectic schedule but you make it work. At least as a teacher you are fortunate to not have super long work days, right? And having time to just be you, not someone’s mom, at work is a gratifying feeling.
Jessica we will be doing the same sort of schedule with Annabelle – baby school 3 days and my MIL will watch her 2 days. I dread the days when she realizes I am leaving her and can verbalize it. I hope that it will be routine by then and she won’t ask me why I am leaving! I do have different hours being a teacher… but they are a bit longer because I am at a private school with afterschool clubs. I will be working 7:30-4:30 and without traffic, my school is 20 minutes away. With traffic… we shall see!
I teared up reading this post because I go back to work on Monday. I’ve had 16 amazing weeks at home with Blaire, but work calls and I know I have to be there to help provide the best life I can for her. She has been taking bottles at least once a day for a long time, so I’m not worried about that, but it makes me so sad that other people are going to be spending her days with her. Hugs to you and fingers crossed we both survive our first days back!
I hope that Monday went well for you! It wasn’t too bad for me – I just now worry about producing enough milk for her to be okay during the days!
We actually had a safety issue with daycare, so I ended up not bringing her back and had to find a new one. Wednesday was first day #2 for us and it was even more difficult because I was very hesitant to leave her after what we dealt with on Monday. Back to school has been crazy – I don’t have a workspace or access to my files among other things, so I’m really stressed. Blaire has been eating anywhere between 12-16 oz. while she is there, so I’m also worried about producing enough milk for her (and finding places to pump). I’m glad your return was less eventful than mine!
I know exactly how you feel. I had to go back at 8 weeks and it felt WAY too soon. I cried the couple weeks leading up to it whenever anyone brought it up. I cried for days before hand because I couldn’t figure out a way to not go back. It was terrible. It got easier though. He’s always where I want to be, that doesn’t change. But we manage. He’s starting to get used to being with other people which helps. It’s nice to have the break when we have had a tough weekend, but after a couple of hours I’m over it. It feels like the world will never be OK, and in some ways it won’t, but it will get easier. I promise.
Kayleigh your post brought tears to my eyes… because right now it does feel like the world will never be OK with her in one place and me in another. Thank you for sharing your story and how it will eventually get easier (in some ways).
I hated it when people said “it be ok”, “it will get better”, “you’ll be fine”. It was so annoying. It felt like my whole world was crashing down and that didn’t help. It will just hurt less. That’s the best way I can put it. Eventually you won’t cry anymore. But it will always kind of suck. I’ve been there Mama. Good luck tomorrow!
My heart aches for you. I still remember all my fears and anxiety I had when I left Maverick at daycare when he was 8 weeks old. To be honest, I still have hard days and we LOVE our sitter. It just plain sucks. Just wait until her face lights up when she see’s you at the end of every day, it’s the most amazing feeling in the world. I shed lots of tears leading up to it and I would be lying if I didn’t say I still shed tears from time to time. Hang in there!! You guys will make it through the rough first few weeks. You will cherish your moments together more than you ever thought possible!! Hugs Momma!!!
I applaud you Erin for leaving him at 8 weeks. I remember seeing your posts about going back to work and hugging Annabelle a little tighter. Now that the day where I leave her is finally here I don’t want to let go. I look forward to seeing her little happy face at the end of each work day and I think that will be one of my driving forces to get through the day. Thank you for sharing Erin!
It is incredibly hard to leave your baby and go back to work. With Hadley i went back at three months. I cried several times at work. Thankfully not in patient rooms. It is crazy to leave an infant with someone else and think they can provide what you can. But, if you found someone you trust, they will keep her happy and safe, she will be ok,and she will figure the bottle thing! That was my biggest fear. She may take a bit. She may cry for a while. But she will eventually get hungry enough and give in. Absence makes the heart grow fonder is totally true in this case. You will be DYING to get back to her every day after school and she will always be excited to see you. After 2.5 years home, I almost wish some days that I worked part time. 🙂 but I know I’d die if I had to leave these two for work!
Thank you Allie for your story. I know that she will eat if she is hungry – it is just the whole crying thing that makes my heart hurt a little bit. She is terrible at comforting herself and rarely can. I guess it is something she will have to learn to do though!
When you first go back to work, there may be some crying on your part. But other mommies in the workforce can relate and are always supportive. But even if she cries a bit, Annabelle will have fun while you are gone. Then you get to pick her up after work and get big, happy baby hugs and smiles from her. I just love picking up my kids after work and how excited they are to see me! BTW, us teachers in my district are scheduled to go back TOMORROW. Yuck. Bye-bye, summer! Best wishes to you in this transition.
Thanks for commenting Nikki! I look forward to seeing how excited she is at the end of a day! It is so weird to be one of the teachers going back tomorrow – when I lived in Maryland, we didn’t go back until the end of August! Good luck to you tomorrow!
I cried and was so, so anxious for weeks leading up to going back to work. I still feel an ache for that time of just being with my baby, but like you said (so lovely too) – my presence is more valuable in the workplace right now. I also agree about the benefit(s) of daughters seeing their mothers work. It’s been 2 months that I’ve been back and man, I really miss maternity leave! Just being my baby’s mommy and having that time to bond and snuggle and figure each other out without anyone interrupting. Good luck Caitlin and Annabelle! You’re going to do awesome!
Thank you Courtnee! I also thank you for your honesty – that the ache is still there leaving your baby. I know it will never go away, but it’s good to hear that it will fade.
For me it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. I had to take Beckett at 6 weeks, and I thought I would cry, but I didn’t! I was actually relieved. When I got to work I had grown up time and my son was with someone who I knew would take good care of him. I mean, really, their only job is to keep your baby safe & sound, and I was paying them until 5:00, so there was no anxiety at making sure I was home soon as to not take advantage of our baby-sitter. I cherish my time with him so much more now that it’s limited to the mornings and evenings. Those mornings when he wakes up at 5am and I just want to die because that is an ungodly time of day, I am still cranky, don’t get me wrong, but then I realize that that’s an extra hour and a half to just cuddle. You’ll get through it momma!! 🙂
I didn’t cry either! I was so surprised that I didn’t… but then again I felt comfortable leaving her at baby school. The Open House we attended was the best idea. I am going to try to cherish the time we have together (am and pm) as much as possible.
I dont have anything that I can relate to what you are going through (as i don’t have any children yet) but i wanted to send hugs and good thoughts your way as you manoeuvre through this next chapter of motherhood <3
Thank you so much Lindsay for thinking of me!