It is amazing how one can carry on in her 26 year old life, never wanting to believe she is all grown up, until one day something happens that makes her realize she isn’t a little girl anymore.
When my Mom told me she was on her way to the emergency room last Friday, I thought they were going to tell her she was having a panic attack and send her home. My little girl self was taking the easy way out and telling myself she would be a-okay. I did not want to think there could be anything worse wrong with her. There could never be anything wrong with HER. She takes care of me and is always there for me. Always and forever. …… I was wrong.
My Dad said I needed to fly home. I thought I would make it there in one piece … I figured I would get to Connecticut and my big brother and all my family would be there and everything would be okay. … For the record – I cried the whole plane ride, and sobbed into my Dad’s shirt the second I saw him standing in the airport.
But friends…I pulled those big girl pants on the second I got to that hospital and saw my mom lying in that bed. Once I realized her situation – that she was having all sorts of heart problems and that she needed a pacemaker and that she could have had either a stroke or heart attack on Friday – I knew I had to get my shit together. Pull on those big girl pants and take care of my mom so she could get better. ASAP. No tears, no whining, no hiding in the closet with my stuffed moose …. I had to be the one to make sure that she was coming out of that hospital in one piece and at 100%.
I realize now that it kind of sad that it took a scary experience like this for me to realize I am not a little girl anymore. For gosh sakes, I am almost 27 years old, I am married, and I graduated college back in 2007. I pay my own bills, own my car, and live 400 miles away from my parents. I don’t feel like a grown-up, but I guess I am one. I must be wearing big girl pants every day if I can say all that about myself… mostly I’d say I wear big girl dresses, but same difference, you know what I mean.
The past few days have sucked. BIG TIME. I am super stressed – about more things than I’d like to tell you about. I worry 24/7 that something scary is going to happen to my mom again. I can’t eat, can’t sleep, and my stomach can’t hold anything in it. I feel like the world is crumbling around me – even though my mom is laughing and walking around and feeling good!
It’ll take some time I am sure… for things to get back to normal… but ugh, I just don’t know.
Truth: I think I’d like to be that little girl on the left right now… with the glasses, frizzy hair, and fluffy moose. She has a dress on…a little girl dress. And I bet her Mom is 100% healthy and she doesn’t have but a care in the world.
P.S. Enter my giveaway!
Aww.. it will take time, but you will be stronger than ever after all this. Hope mom is feeling more like herself today!!!!
I would have said big girl dress too. LOL
Im so glad youre able to be at home with your family. I’m from ny and live in ri, but most of the time this 27 year old still thinks of myself as kid…even though i’m also away from my family, teach, paying bills and doing whatever. I hope you’re mom is feeling 100% soon! sending good wishes your way!
Amazing how one moment you can switch and become this “other-self” that can put those emotions aside and take care of business. It really is a testament to your personality and you as a woman. (And I’m sure you learned only from the best – your Mom & Dad)
Aw thank you Corinne. This really means a lot to me!!
So glad to hear your mom is doing well!! I always say to my husband, Being a Grown up Sucks! It is so much harder than I ever imagined and we have to deal with so many more problems than we ever thought we would but at the same time I know that these problems and issues are turning me into a better, stronger person and teaching me a lesson just like this scare did to you! Even though times get tough we all usually end up ok and pull through it, so hang it and try not to worry!