Have you ever had one of those days – where every little thing seems to go wrong – and no matter how hard you try to keep your cool – you end up in tears on the bathroom floor anyways, feeling defeated, deflated, and distraught?
You sit there and wonder, “Am I the only one…?”
Am I the only Mom who feels like they suck at being a Mom?
Something I have learned in the last 7 months of being a Mom is that I am NOT alone. I am not the only Mom with a baby who won’t sleep through the night. I am not the only Mom with a baby who punches, slaps, and scratches her when she is having a tantrum for no apparent reason. I am not the only Mom who lets her baby sleep in her bed. I am not the only Mom who puts her baby down when she is screaming, walks into the bathroom, turns on the fan, and screams into a towel.
Most importantly… I am not the only Mom who thinks she sucks at being a Mom.
No one ever told me when I was pregnant that I was going to need to find some friends going through the same thing once I had the baby. Everyone offered advice on which swaddle blankets to buy, which pacifiers worked best, and which swing their little one couldn’t live without. BUT NO ONE said I would need other Moms to help me get through the months following Annabelle’s birth.
Fortunately, my cousin and three close friends were pregnant at the same time as me. I always had someone to text/call when something with my pregnancy was baffling. However, I delivered first. That meant in the beginning – I found myself answering their questions and looking to veteran Moms for advice. Don’t get me wrong – the veteran Moms in my life are amazing – it’s just they weren’t going through the same thing as me at the same time. I need Moms who had just given birth.
Then one day I received a text message from a girl whose Aunt works with my MIL. She told me about a Mommy and Me group that met at the hospital where I delivered. I knew about the group, but was always too afraid to go alone. We set a date to go together, and I am forever grateful that I went. THE WOMEN AT THIS GROUP ARE INCREDIBLE. They have been there for me through the toughest of times with advice, a helping hand, or a shoulder to lean on. They have a private Facebook group, so even if I was up at 2am with a problem, someone would be able to help me by morning. This group – these women – will probably never know how much they helped me these past 7 months.
Two girls in particular have been here for me since we started group together. Annabelle is only one month older than their two sweeties, but it hasn’t made a difference. We have been through the ups and downs of new mommyhood together. I am so thankful to have had them in my life and cherish our friendships. Through my new transition into working Mom, they have both been by my side, as they are making/have made the transition too.
I truly believe that it is important to have girl friends – both new and old – to help you get through new stages of life. Whether your friends are real (where you see them in person) or met through social media, they’ll always be there with advice, a listening ear, or a shoulder to cry on. My Mommy friends have taught me that I am NOT alone. They taught me that I don’t suck at being a Mom as long as I love and protect my daughter. They’ve taught me that it’s okay to not know what I am doing – it’s okay to ask questions – and it’s okay to end up in tears on the bathroom floor. That is… as long as you pick yourself back up again and keep moving. Our babies need us.
This post is so true and there is a song to remind you of it.
When you’re down and troubled and you need a helping hand
and nothing, whoa, nothing is going right.
Close your eyes and think of me and soon I will be there
to brighten up even your darkest nights.
You just call out my name, and you know where ever I am
I’ll come running to see you again.
Winter, spring, summer, or fall, all you have to do is call and I’ll be there, yeah, yeah,
you’ve got a friend.
It actually goes on but the bottom line is how blessed are you…you have many friends to help you. We all love you and know that you will be the best you can be at whatever you put your mind to. Keep the songs words in mind whenever you feel alone. HUGS my girl. xoxoxoxoxo
Aw thanks Momma for commenting. You have been one of my “veteran moms” who always has an ear to lend. Thank you for the song too – love love love you!
Wait, I’m not the only one who cries on the bathroom floor??? There are more of us there than we think, and you’re a GREAT mama to little miss Annabelle.
😉
Haha I think we ALL cry on the bathroom floor!
Some days I totally feel like the only mom who sucks at being a mom! My child detests his crib, and swing, and playmat, and pack and play- he pretty much detests anything that isn’t my arms which is exhausting! He also sleeps in my bed, and doesn’t sleep through the night, and pretty much stays latched to my breast all through the night. But after 7.5 months I have learned that even in the darkest and worst days of mothering that his smile will somehow get me through! I know one day he won’t sleep in my bed with me, or cuddle with me and I guess I just need to live in the moment and enjoy it. One day these babes will grow up and we will miss the painful beating we get when they throw a temper tantrum or scream at the top of their lungs because we put them down when they want to be held! Hang in there mama and I hope your first day back to work went fabulous!
There are a lot of times when we are in the midst of what seems to be the worst day ever… and then she will smile, or look at me with her big brown eyes, and my heart melts. I remember that some day she will be old and not need me the same way she needs me now. So I suck it up and keep trying to make her happy.
Love this post lovey!! I know the coming months will be difficult ones, but I also know how strong and incredible you are and I can promise you’ll get through this and persevere as you always do. Annabelle is lucky to have a mommy like you, Paola!
Thanks so much Lloyda for your love and support!
I feel the same way..I’ve been worrying about being a mom as well and doubting my so-called instincts. My friends who have given birth have helped a lot. I’ve also been lucky cuz my aunt works in labor and delivery and my SIL is a lactation specialist.
Wow you have lots of support!
I want to tell you that you’re very brave to write about this for the public to see. I say that because since most women think they are alone in what they are feeling about being a new mom, the bad things aren’t talked about. Sure, we’ll complain that we are tired and haven’t had a shower in days, but we don’t mention our tantrums. My son is almost 12. I have forgotten most of the hell he put me through as an infant. I remember the laughs and milestones. It’ll get easier–I promise! I’m glad you have a support system.
Thank you so much for the support Kimberly. Sometimes I feel like I have to admit my flaws so I can accept them and move on. I also think it is important to say how I REALLY feel so others know they are not alone =0) Everyone says some day I will forget all of the bad days – and I already have forgotten the majority (!) – because in the end all that really matters are the good days, which always outweigh the bad.
I needed to see this today. Yesterday was a brutal day of sleep fighting and I was so mad, but it was also my last weekday at home (which added to my feeling mad) so then I felt guilty. I have a handful of friends with new little ones too and it is so helpful to discuss how we are all feeling, but it is rarely about how we truly are feeling and I don’t like to feel like I am complaining because I really have an easy baby most times. It is such a catch-22. I’ve also been having doubts about being a good mom. I try telling myself it is normal, but I see moms who are well put together, back in shape with clean homes and consistent blog posts and I wonder what I’m doing wrong since I’m often unshowered and still in pajamas at dinner time.
I am so happy that my post reached you at the right time. There were so many days that I was SO mad and then someone said something in my FB group that made me feel better – not because I knew they were miserable too – but because I knew it was NORMAL to have tough days. You are most definitely an amazing Mom is your little one is happy, safe, and fed. Don’t judge yourself based on the state of your house or yourself – it is all about the baby! I can’t stand fake bloggers who act like everything is perfect. Fact is – nothing is ever perfect and if it looks too good to be true, it probably is. xoxoxoox