Finding joy in life is not simple – because joy is complicated. The pursuit of happiness is much easier than cultivating joy, but happiness is fleeting so the journey never ends. The secret for long lasting contentment and satisfaction in your life is to find ways to cultivate joy.
The Pursuit of Happiness Versus Finding Joy
Do you recall the first time you learned there is a difference between joy and happiness? I can – it was during my 39th year of life (yesterday) while researching the ramifications of joy on our body and brain. While joy and happiness coexist in the realm of emotions, one is more fleeting than the other. Happiness is an ephemeral, or momentary, emotion, often sparked by a particular moment that brings a brief sense of excitement or exhilaration.
Joy, on the other hand, is a more long-lasting state of being, characterized by contentment and satisfaction with life overall. Joy is not simply a feeling that happens instantly, but rather a choice we make. It sounds easy – choosing joy- but it’s more complex than most realize. How can you choose joy when moods are naturally linked to circumstances? How can you choose joy when life has unavoidable ups and downs? Suggesting someone “choose joy” implies one can ignore complex emotions, such as depression or anxiety, and potentially invalidates someone’s genuine struggles. The solution: cultivate joy and allow your joy to coexist with the hard stuff.
Understanding the Challenges of Cultivating Joy
Why does it sound impossible to cultivate joy during the worst times of our life? Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, financial troubles, or an unexpected health diagnosis that shakes our foundation, it’s only natural to feel a profound sense of lost joy. I’ll never forget how I felt moments after watching my Grandmother pass away or during the months after my Uncle died too soon. I thought my heart would never feel joy again. Sadness, frustration, failure, and grief, can be consuming, but darkness doesn’t have to suffocate your inner light. There is always room to breathe in something else – something better. Isn’t that why they tell us to take a deep breath when we are in a state of distress?
My middle child is highly sensitive and notorious for prematurely declaring, “THIS IS THE WORST DAY EVER” when it is least warranted. I want my daughters to understand that happiness can ebb and flow, and that it’s okay to have ups and downs. So during moments of despair, we talk about the moments that bring us joy.
Chase sunsets, cook food you love to eat, take pleasure in the gift of movement, go to bed early, be silly, dance in the kitchen, get cozy, and surround yourself with the ones you love.
5 Ways to Cultivate Joy in Your Life
If the idea of cultivating joy when your world is turned upside down seems impossible – it is not. Joy is long lasting, you just have to be intentional when accessing it. Here are five ways to cultivate joy in your life.
1. Practice gratitude. Studies find that people who are more grateful are more likely to feel joy in the future. Jot down a few things you are grateful for: sunsets, a fresh loaf of ciabatta, the first snow.
2. Engage in activities you love. Make time to do the things that bring you joy on a regular basis. Exercise. Dance. Read. Tap dancing, watercolor paints, hot yoga, nature walks.
3. Form deep connections with others. Strengthen your relationships by reaching out to friends and family – send a text, write a letter, invest time being around the ones you love.
4. Stay present and embrace positivity. True happiness can only be found in the present moment – learning to walk away from unpleasant memories will develop your joyful feelings. Surround yourself with positive influences – let go of the negativity in your life – and inspire yourself with uplifting content.
5. Improve your mental health. There is a science behind therapy so don’t knock it until you try it. Therapy allows you to navigate your feelings, build healthier habits, and change your mindset so that your life looks more like you want.
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