It’s Okay to Be Sad

Discover why it’s okay to be sad and how embracing your emotions can lead to healing. Learn tips for managing sadness and improving mental health.

Why Feeling Sad Is a Normal Part of Life

It’s okay to be sad – it’s the only way to know joy. My therapist says it’s important to feel what you need to feel regardless of the uncomfortable emotions associated with the occasion. Anger, sadness, grief, and fear are the most difficult emotions to purposely allow oneself to experience because they don’t feel good. As a result, many people suppress or ignore their true feelings, especially when they are negative. This avoidance does not make the emotion disappear, but rather makes it stronger.

One of my character flaws is my inability to fully process negative emotions in a timely manner. I tend to collect crumbs of sadness, grief and anger. The remnants eventually turn into catastrophic anxiety and an overwhelming feeling of a loss of power in my life. Slowly I fall back into obsessive compulsive behaviors – rage cleaning, calorie counting, self deprecation – because I can control those actions. Ultimately the protective wall I’ve built around my collection of uncomfortable emotions falls and I’m forced to face what I’ve been holding on to (usually at the most inopportune moments).

When I started therapy five years ago, I thought it would be impossible to untangle thirty four years of bad habits and coping mechanisms. My ineffectiveness to process and fully let go of my anger, sadness, grief or fear inhibits my ability to experience positive emotions in their entirety. I WANT TO FEEL JOY, but sometimes during some of the happiest moments I find myself tethered to a quiet darkness rooted in unprocessed emotions.

“There is no sadness without knowing joy. And there is no joy if we don’t have sadness within us.” – Inside Out 2

Recognizing the Benefits of Sadness

Inexplicable life changes are where I struggle with processing how I feel the most. It’s actually pretty easy to cry without deeply understanding a situation. Ultimately my mental and physical well-being suffer from what I tend to ignore. Marc Brackett, PhD, founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence says, “Denying difficult feelings costs us. If we attempt to shut down one emotion, we end up stifling them all. Then we’re not open to joy in the same way, and life in general in the same way.”

And there is no joy if we don’t have sadness within us…

Life is complicated and unpredictable. We are happiest when things are going well, but shit is going to happen and you can’t hide from that. If we avoid the feelings associated with change – grief, pain, sadness, etc – then we will miss out on joy. Being comfortable with the uncomfortable is the key. “Before we can go on, we must feel our sadness about what we lost” – Journey to the Heart: Daily Meditations on the Path to Freeing Your Soul by Melody Beattie. Accept the loss of a friendship. Accept the loss of a job. Accept the loss of something you value because loss demands acceptance.

We can only heal ourselves from within and the only way out is through. There are many ways to prioritize your mental health.