Many many thanks and virtual hugs to everyone who commented on my post yesterday. It means so much to me that many of you shared your personal traumatic experiences with me and admitted to having anxiety in the car too. I will admit that sometimes I feel like a freakcase when I get all worked up on the road – but it makes me feel a whole lot better knowing that it seems normal to be anxious after what I experienced.
It is so interesting to me how events that don’t even have to happen to us can have such a long lasting effect on how we think, feel, and act. I know that I am a cautious gal… and always trying to protect others too.
I think that being a young woman in our country is rather scary. With all of the reports of kidnappings, rapes, murders, attacks… being a girl is not always such a cool thing. I do NOT trust strangers. I am super cautious if I go running alone – never entering what seems like an area that if I screamed I would not be heard. Or if I have to walk to my car in a dark empty parking lot – keys are between the fingers like a weapon. I also always lock my door behind me as soon as I get home for fear that someone could follow me in.
Mr. Bear teases me that I watch too many crime shows when I wake him up kicking and yelling, sweating and breathing heavy, from a nightmare in which I’d been kidnapped and buried alive. The truth is though that I know he is happy I am so careful and aware of my surroundings. Sometimes I think I should take a self-defense course… just in case, haha.
I remember being so naive when I went to college. Taking drinks from guys at parties without asking what it is. Driving in a car with people who’d been drinking. Walking back to my dorm late at night after a party…alone…on what was called “The Rape Trail.” Then I started hearing stories. My best friend’s girlfriend was roofied at a bar and woke up in the hospital. A group of drunk college kids are in a fatal accident when their car spins out on an icy road. A girl disappears after leaving a party and is found dead in the woods a month later. Stories like these are why I learned my school’s number for Safe Ride by heart and never ventured anywhere alone after hours.
I feel like I am making myself sound like a super paranoid worrywart of a person. I promise I am not.
I am just very careful and try to make wise decisions. I screw up sometimes and don’t think before I act…however, I ultimately try to avoid situations that can have a nasty outcome. I also keep Mr. Bear by my side. He is a good protector and can be scary when I need him to be. There is something about having a male guardian that makes me feel a bit more safe than a can of pepper spray.
What are your thoughts about being a young woman in America? Do you feel safe?
I definitely think it’s better to be cautious than not.
Do you remember the story in Pennsylvania (I think) about the ex-boyfriend who went to his girlfriend’s workout class and started shooting? Well, last night my roommate was at the gym and a guy in a full black sweatsuit walked into a Zumba class (all girls) right at the end of it when they were warming down. It just looked shady with him standing in there for no reason. I don’t think anything happened, but one of the girls immediately ran out of the class and my roommate (who was in a different part of the gym, but could see through the windows) left and came home right away.
I think it’s better to be safe than sorry any day.
We all sometimes forget to do the “smart” thing, but we live and we learn. I believe it’s scary for women out there today. I don’t go by myself to the mall at night. I lock my house doors and my car doors. I’m even paranoid getting gas. I feel like I am constantly looking over my shoulder. I love when Fred is around because he is big and I feel somewhat protected. But, we’re never “safe”. The best thing we can do is to be smart and try to be aware of our surroundings.
And I watch too many crime shows too. I don’t think that helps, but I just love them too much to stop watching.
I’m definitely with you on being the ‘worry wart’ of the group! I’m always telling people to put their seatbelts on when we’re in the car, and I won’t drive unless they do. It’s better to be safe than sorry!
Oh, and I totally know what you mean about being young and naive in college! Oh, I have many stories, as well. I didn’t go to Uconn, but, one of my best friends did and I was up there partying with her a lot. I wouldn’t even THINK of doing the things I did back then today. It’s so scary to think how many young girls out there are like that…we all were, I’m sure.
Thank you for sharing your story/fears! I know there are a ton of people out there (myself included) who can relate to what you’re going through. It’s nice to know you’re not alone. 🙂
I think even though women have come a long way in society, there are still things of which are not resolved. Granted, I believe it’s not just women who are the victims, but being a young woman myself, I often gravitate towards what I know. And what I know is that I learned a HUGE lesson my junior year of college – one that changed my perspective on life and how precious “safety” is…even when you think you are at a house party with all your “friends”. And even more recently, at my last job which I had to leave early because of issues such as these. It’s not fair, and I hate the days I take for granted.
Russ often makes fun of me because of all the worrying I do, but I think he has recently realized I have a reason to worry and although I hate that the situation happened, I’m grateful that someone learned something.
All seriousiness aside, I still am one who checks the locks 2x before going to bed, and walk to my car the same way you do.
When I was younger I grew up in a very ‘safe’ town which led me to feel safe everywhere. It wasn’t until you hear of these stories and realize that this could have been me, you begin to think smarter. I am shocked I was never hurt by some of the stupid stuff I did when I was younger!! I think, at least in my area, young women are not as cautious as they should be.
I just finished my first year of college and like you once were, I was also naive when I was at school. My campus is very small and it only takes me 7-8 minutes to walk from one side to the other. I would keep this in mind every night as I walked back by myself in the late hours, thinking that I was invincible and nothing/no one was out to get me.
Of course I was safe every single night, but after reading your posts, I am thinking otherwise. I will certainly be more careful next year. Thank you for writing this post and the previous one. You are not the only one who worries about these kinds of things!
i’m on the same page little bear. i think sometimes my mister thinks i’m too paranoid, but my mom has ALWAYS taught me, better safe than sorry. i think my mom has a lot to do with it, she feels the need to call me and tell me about stories she’s seen on the news or things that have happened to a friend of a friend that she “knows”. it can be REALLY scary being a girl, and i think taking these precautions is better than thinking your indestructable. i’d rather be a little paranoid and alive than careless and dead!
have a great day love!
Ummmmm…..seriously, you and I should be BFF’s. Granted we might make each other a little extra paranoid but hey, that’s what friends are for! lol
I was the naive idiot in college who would walk alone at night and put my self in what could have turned out into a very bad situation (there is actually a blog post coming soon on that one) but thank goodness did not.
Now I am always looping my keys in between my fingers when walking to my car in the dark or in a bad area. I work in a sketchy area of town and always envision terrible things happening. I take my cell phone with me for runs just in case. And my parents basement always creeps me out because it is dark and someone could be living down there just waiting to pounce.
But like you said, I think Hubs appreciates the fact that I am extra cautious. Makes him feel better! He also tells me over and over that he is going to have me learn how to shoot a gun just in case I ever need to know how. Also, so that I am not afraid of the guns in our house and know how to handle them properly.