Today I turn 40.
I’ve been thinking about this birthday—this age—for a very long time. Not to be melodramatic, but 40 feels like a big, scary number. There’s no sliding back into your thirties, and suddenly you’re halfway to 80. Aren’t you supposed to have life figured out by now? To be financially stable, settled, and confidently walking the path that will carry you through the rest of your life?
If I could ask my 24-year-old self what she thought life would look like at 40, she probably would’ve said: “Old.” I imagined myself weathered, stuck in a mundane routine as a teacher, wife, and mom. I blame the movies for that image—because when I was younger, women over 40 looked like Annie Banks in Father of the Bride. If they didn’t, they were the dysfunctional single mom type—like Susan Sarandon in Anywhere But Here—embarrassing their teenage daughters in clothes that tried too hard.
Thankfully, This Is 40 came along and changed my mental picture. Debbie (Leslie Mann) was gorgeous, funny, and relatable—even as she stumbled through a messy chapter of life. Sure, the plot centers around struggles with marriage, money, and identity, but it ends with something much better than perfection: the reminder that life at 40 is still full of chaos, beauty, and authenticity.
Back in March, I wrote about my plan to make this year—the year I turn 40—something spectacular. But as life tends to go, those plans unraveled thanks to a series of uncontrollable factors. I stumbled through some dark seasons, pulled myself back into the light, and then found myself tumbling backward again. But a few weeks ago, we entered a new chapter in our family’s life, and I decided it was time to fight harder to stay in that light.
As I step into this new decade, I don’t have all the answers—far from it. What I do have is perspective, gratitude, and a willingness to embrace both the light and the dark as they come.
For now, I’m sitting with the mix of emotions that turning 40 brings. In a few days, I’ll share more about what I’ve learned along the way—because if the last four decades have taught me anything, it’s that the lessons never really stop.
Here’s to a messy, beautiful, and authentic 40.
Leave a Reply