My Non-Negotiable Self-Care Habits (and Why I Don’t Feel Guilty About Them)

On Tuesdays, I usually come home from work, collapse onto the couch, and sit in silence for a few minutes. Sometimes my middle daughter will ask what’s wrong, and I’ll tell her the truth: “It’s been a long day, and I’m kind of over everything.”

Naturally, her next question is whether I’m taking her to dance that night.

“Nope. I’m going to yoga.”

She’s always a little surprised. Why would I go to yoga when I’m clearly exhausted and crabby?

Because sometimes the days I want to do absolutely nothing are the days I need yoga the most.

I love yoga. It’s not just exercise for my body, but something I practice for my mind and soul. And I have never once left a class wishing I hadn’t gone.

Over the years, I’ve realized there are certain things I need to do for myself to feel like the best version of me. They’re not extravagant, expensive, or particularly exciting, but they’re my non-negotiables. Being a mom, a wife, a daughter/sister/friend… actually just being a human is hard work.

I’ve learned that self-care for moms isn’t about finding extra time in the day. It’s about protecting the little moments that help us feel like ourselves.

Why Self-Care Is Non-Negotiable for Me

I know the term self-care gets thrown around a lot these days. Sometimes it means a spa day or a bubble bath or buying yourself something pretty. And while I love all of those things, my version of self-care looks a little different.

For me, it’s about feeling good physically and mentally. Because when I stop making time for myself, I feel awful.

My body gets stiff and sore when I don’t move or stretch regularly. My stomach gets bloated when I’m not active (thank you, IBS), and spending too much time staring at a computer screen leaves my eyes, head, and jaw aching.

Mentally? I’m irritable, overwhelmed, anxious, exhausted, and not particularly pleasant to be around.

I need movement to release stress. I need quiet to shut my brain off. I need to journal to get the thoughts out of my head that I don’t always feel comfortable saying out loud. And sometimes I need therapy to help me make sense of those thoughts.

When I’m taking care of myself, I feel lighter. I’m happier, I sleep better, I’m more organized, and I’m a much nicer person to live with.

So no, these aren’t just hobbies I squeeze in when there’s nothing else to do. They’re the things that help me feel like myself.

My 7 Non-Negotiable Self-Care Habits

1. Hot Yoga (and Tone & Tighten)

If you’ve been reading my blog for a while, you probably already know how much I love hot yoga. But it’s not just the power flow classes I look forward to. I also love Tone & Tighten, which incorporates weights and strength training.

I love the challenge of pushing myself physically, but I also love that for one hour, I don’t have to think about anyone else’s needs. I’m not answering texts and emails, making appointments, planning dinner, or mentally running through tomorrow’s schedule. Phones aren’t allowed in the practice room – so for one full hour I am completely disconnected and detached from the rest of the world.

I’m just there, moving my body, sweating, and silencing the noise of the world. Even on the days when I have to practically drag myself out the door, I always come home feeling better than when I left.

2. My Adult Tap Classes

I spend a lot of time being a dance mom, but one night a week, I get to be the dancer.

Taking adult tap classes has become one of my favorite things I do for myself. I love learning choreography, challenging my brain, and doing something that’s completely unrelated to being a mom or working.

Oh and it’s FUN. There aren’t many opportunities in adulthood to show up somewhere, learn something new, laugh at yourself when you mess up, and leave feeling accomplished.

3. Going to Bed Early With a Book

Some nights, my idea of a perfect evening is climbing into bed ridiculously early, turning on my little reading light, and disappearing into a book.

No scrolling. No emails. No mindlessly watching television until I realize it’s way past my bedtime.

Just me, a good book, and the very real possibility that I’ll fall asleep after reading three pages.

Reading gives my brain a break from screens and everything happening in the real world. And honestly, sometimes I’d rather spend an evening with fictional characters than deal with another decision that needs to be made in my own house.

4. Waking Up Before Everyone Else

I know waking up early doesn’t sound like self-care to everyone, but the 2 hours I have in the morning before my family wakes up are some of my favorite moments of the day.

I make my coffee, sit by the fireplace, and enjoy being alone. Most mornings I start with journaling after reading my favorite daily meditation book. Sometimes I work on my blog. Sometimes I online shop for things I absolutely do not need.

The point is that nobody is asking me for breakfast, looking for a missing shoe, or telling me something they forgot to mention the night before.

For a little while, the house is quiet, my coffee is hot, and I get to decide exactly what I want to do with my time.

5. Cooking Alone With My AirPods

I love cooking for my family. I do not always love having my entire family in the kitchen while I’m cooking.

Sometimes I want to put in my AirPods, turn on music, an audiobook or a Hallmark Christmas movie, and make dinner without answering seventeen questions or having someone stand directly in front of the drawer I need to open.

Cooking a recipe that requires a lot of steps and time can actually be relaxing… because no one is bothering me while my brain works on putting together a meal.

My family doesn’t always love that I don’t “need help,” but they have learned the food will taste better if Mommy works alone.

6. Therapy (When I Can Schedule It)

Therapy has been an important part of my life for years, even though I don’t always get to go as often as I’d like.

There are things I carry around in my head that I don’t necessarily want to share with everyone around me. Journaling helps me get those thoughts out, but therapy helps me process them. Sometimes I need someone
(you know who you are) to help me sort through the anxiety, stress, and complicated emotions that come with being a person.

7. My Very Own Favorite Blanket

This might sound ridiculous, but every winter I have a favorite blanket. I usually choose it around September and it becomes mine.

Not the kids’. Not my husband’s. Not Mcmuffin’s. Mine.

I go through phases with different blankets, but there is always one that becomes my designated comfort blanket. It’s the one I want when I’m reading, watching television, or curling up on the couch.

Maybe it’s silly to include a blanket in a list of self-care habits, but I think having little comforts that belong entirely to us matters, too. Especially when you’re a mom and approximately 97% of the things you own eventually become community property. Like my comfort socks… that my kids keep stealing.

Do I Ever Feel Guilty About Taking Time for Myself?

Sometimes, yes.

There are occasions when someone in my family makes a comment about me missing something because I have yoga or another activity planned. And I’ll admit, sometimes those comments make me feel guilty before I leave.

But here’s the thing: I never feel guilty afterward.

I always realize how much I needed that time.

I’ve also accepted that I cannot be present for every single little thing. If something is truly important, of course I’ll be there. But if it’s not? Sometimes I’m going to choose myself, and I’m okay with that.

I also don’t believe that every minute of our day needs to be productive.

Years ago, my therapist told me something that has stuck with me ever since: It’s okay to be lazy.

We all deserve a little laziness. In fact, I think we need it.

Resting on the couch, reading a book, or doing absolutely nothing isn’t necessarily wasted time. Sometimes consciously choosing to rest is one of the most productive things we can do for ourselves.

Because we’re giving our minds and bodies a chance to reset.

Taking Care of Myself Helps Me Take Care of Everyone Else

I don’t have a perfect self-care routine. There are weeks when I miss a class, don’t pick up a book, or have too much going on to find a quiet moment alone.

But I’ve learned to recognize when I’m running on empty, and I’ve stopped treating the things that make me feel good as optional.

I need movement. I need quiet. I need creativity, connection, and sometimes a little bit of laziness.

I need moments when I can do something simply because I want to, not because someone needs me to.

And when I give myself those moments, I’m a happier, healthier, more patient version of myself.

Not every self-care habit needs to be elaborate. Sometimes it’s a yoga class. Sometimes it’s reading in bed at 7:30. And sometimes it’s sitting on the couch under a blanket that nobody else is allowed to touch.

What are your non-negotiable self-care habits? I’d love to know what you do to feel more like yourself.