If you had told me ten years ago that I’d someday know how to pin a ballet bun in under five minutes, memorize a costume guide, and keep track of three different competition award variations, I would’ve laughed. Not because being a dance mom wasn’t something I dreamed about—but because I never imagined I’d be able to keep three dancers organized (most days, anyway).
Dance has become such a huge part of our family’s life, but I still remember how overwhelming those first years felt. I worried about everything—hair, costumes, remembering shoes, whether my daughter was keeping up, and whether I was doing enough.
8 Things I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before Becoming a Dance Mom
Looking back now, there are so many things I wish someone had told me when I signed Annabelle up for her first ballet class. I don’t know if I would have listened to said person, but I may have absorbed some of the advice and not felt so surprised later on in our dance journey. Isn’t that always how it goes?
Whether you’re preparing for your child’s first dance class or your first competition season, these dance mom tips will help you feel a little more confident walking into the studio.
1. Don’t Fear the Ballet Bun
Many Moms will never forget the first time their daughter notices her dance bun is not like the other dance buns. It was March 6, 2022, Annabelle and Ailey’s FIRST official pep rally for dance competition. They were required to wear a dancer’s bun so the studio could wrap matching pep rally ribbons around everyone’s bun.
The issue was not the actual “bun” – but the sloppiness with which I styled their hair. According to my daughters, the problems were plentiful: flyaways, frizz, poor placement, and what they insisted wasn’t even a real ballet bun—just a messy top knot. I think one of my girls actually cried from embarrassment – which in turn broke my Mama heart.
From that day forward I made it my personal mission to learn how to do a proper ballet bun. I watched YouTube tutorials, consulted seasoned dance moms, bought ALL the supplies and practiced as much as possible before their first dance competition.
Once I got the hang of it, dance buns became as easy as tying a pair of sneakers. There are various tools to make a dance bun – but my hair bun must haves are hair mousse, a fine tooth comb, bun donut and hair net.
2. Red Lipstick Stains EVERYTHING
Teeth. Skin. Dads. Costumes. Stanley cups. Car seats.
Red lipstick somehow ends up everywhere except where it’s supposed to stay.
Pack makeup wipes. Bring a Tide Pen. And if your studio uses lip stain instead of lipstick like ours…proceed with caution.
3. Practice Builds Confidence
Before my daughters joined competition teams, I loved asking them to give me a little performance after every dance class. It started as something fun for our family—a chance for them to show me what they’d learned and for me to cheer them on. That all changed after our first dance competition, when one of my daughters had a heartbreaking “forgotten steps” moment on stage.
It was emotional for both of us, but it taught me an important lesson. From that day on, I stopped encouraging them to practice for my entertainment and started encouraging them to practice for themselves.
Dance isn’t about chasing perfection—because perfection doesn’t exist. Practice builds something far more valuable: confidence.
Every time a dancer reviews choreography at home, she’s building muscle memory. The more familiar the steps become, the less she has to think about them on stage. Instead of worrying about what comes next, she can focus on performing, connecting with the music, and enjoying the moment.
As a former dancer myself, I wish someone had encouraged me to practice more outside the studio. Dancers aren’t practicing because their teachers expect perfection. They’re practicing so competition day feels a little less scary. So recital day feels familiar instead of overwhelming. The dancers who appear the most confident on stage usually aren’t the ones striving for perfection—they’re the ones who put in the time until the choreography became second nature.
And yes, muscle memory is a real thing. I learned this as an adult in my very own tap class.
4. Label Everything
Somewhere in every dance studio is a lost-and-found bin overflowing with identical pink ballet shoes, various style black tap shoes, and forgotten water bottles waiting for someone to claim them. I don’t know if there’s an official statistic on how many dance shoes disappear every season, but after ten years as a dance mom, I’m convinced it’s at least two full pairs per family.
If there’s one piece of advice I could give every new dance mom, it’s this: put your child’s name on absolutely everything. Shoes, tights, costumes, makeup bags, water bottles, garment bags—even the tiny accessories you swear they’ll never misplace. See my Dance Competition Essentials post here.
I have used Mabel’s Labels for over 8 years for dance, school, vacation, etc. They are waterproof, sweat proof, laundry and dishwasher-safe – plus teacher-approved because they don’t stick on permanently. I also keep a Sharpie within arm’s reach for backup.
5. It’s Okay to Ask for Help
For dancers: If your child leaves class confused, encourage them to ask questions. Dance teachers want their students to succeed.
For moms: Feeling lost? Don’t know where to find the right color tights? Ask another dance mom. Ask the teacher. Ask ChatGPT. It’s okay to ask for help!
Every experienced dance mom remembers being new.
6. It’s Okay to Be Nervous—You and Your Dancer
Walking into the first dance class can feel overwhelming—for both of you.
There may be a day when your dancer clings to your leg instead of running into the studio. She might be tired, hungry, shy, or simply feeling unsure. And if you’re anything like me, you’ll wonder if you’ve made a mistake signing her up in the first place.
First, take a deep breath. Next, give your new dancer a hug. Then, find a dance teacher to help. Just offer reassurance, encourage them to give it a chance, and always celebrate the little victories—like walking into class on their own or trying a new step. Reacting with anger/frustration will never help the situation.
Many dancers need time to adjust to a new teacher, classroom, or routine. A few tears at drop-off don’t necessarily mean dance isn’t the right fit. Dance anxiety is a real thing. And sometimes it just means they’re feeling new emotions while doing something new and unfamiliar.
At the same time, remember that dance should be something your child enjoys. If weeks or months go by and they’re consistently unhappy despite your support, it’s okay to have an honest conversation about whether dance is still the right activity for them. Then wait a year and ask if they want to dance again – I quit at 3 years old and went back at 9 years old.
Sometimes confidence grows with time. And sometimes the best lesson is learning it’s okay to try something new.
7. Take the picture.
Even if they’re grumpy.
Even if you’re late.
Even if they’re missing a shoe.
I don’t think I have ever regretted taking a photo of one of my dancers – especially when I find a way to be in the picture too. One day that tiny dancer will be a grown up dancer and all those photos become priceless.
8. Don’t Overspend on Dance Clothes
When your child starts dance, it’s easy to think she needs a brand-new leotard with a matching bow for every class. Annabelle’s first year of dance was when we lived in Georgia and my two year old had the most fabulous dance wardrobe. Now at age 12 she wears anything but ‘dance clothes’ to the studio each week. So trust me—you don’t need to stock up on leotards in every color of the rainbow.
Most dancers end up wearing the same favorite leotard over and over again anyway. (Looking at you, Arbor.) Dance isn’t a fashion show. It’s a place to learn, grow, sweat, and have fun.
My best advice is to save your money for the things that really matter, like tuition, competition fees, costumes, and shoes (that your child will somehow outgrow overnight).
Hand-me-downs are gold in the dance world. Older dancers are constantly growing out of warm-ups, shoes, and practice wear that still have plenty of life left in them. Want the highly coveted $350 Rac-N-Roll bag? Check Facebook Marketplace at the end of the dance season – Moms are ALWAYS selling like-new pack-a-rack competition bags. Don’t be afraid to accept them—and always pass your hand-me-downs along when your child is finished.
Final Thoughts for First Time Dance Moms
If I could go back and talk to myself before our first dance class, I’d tell that nervous mom to relax.
You’re going to lose a dance shoe in the backseat of your car. You might leave the backup dance tights for competition at home the first time your daughter rips a pair. You will definitely stress over dance buns and makeup – when you don’t need to. But eventually you will absolutely realize none of those things are what matter most.
What matters are the friendships your dancer builds, the confidence she gains, and the rush of pride and love you’ll feel seeing your dancer shine on stage – every single time she steps out to perform.
Ten years later, I can honestly say becoming a dance mom has been one of the greatest joys of motherhood—and I wouldn’t trade the early mornings, long competition weekends, or rhinestones in my car for anything.
If you’re just beginning your dance mom journey, welcome. You’re going to do just fine.
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