Why isn’t Postpartum Mental Health a bigger deal in our society? If I learned anything since having three babies it’s that my maternal mental health has been a huge part my life.
I started my day today extra early (4:30am), alone with my thoughts and a hot cup of coffee. Waking up early is actually one of my favorite things to do – even if it means I am exhausted by the end of the day. If I’ve learned anything in the past year as a Mom of three it’s to take advantage of the quiet hours before the school rush begins. It is one of the best things I can do for my mental health. My mind is always freshest in the morning – so I like to sit down and write without any distractions.
Want to know what was on my mind this morning.
Postpartum maternal mental health.
Last week my heart was heavy with news about a Mother from Duxbury, MA. The story is so devastating I can’t write about it, but if you do a quick search online you’ll find out what happened.
Normally I avoid following upsetting stories in the news, especially those regarding motherhood and mental health. Anything I can relate to – as farfetched as it may seem – sends my anxiety and catastrophic thinking spiraling into the unknown. I call it self-preservation, a learned behavior from years of therapy.
But a few things about this Mom made the news impossible to ignore. She’s a Mom of three. She was suffering from postpartum depression. And she grew up in my town and went to high school with my sister. These small connections make her more real and impossible to NOT think about than if she were just a woman from Duxbury.
I’ve learned in therapy that it’s normal to feel sad and distraught about what happened. I know I’m not the only person feeling affected by this story. Every day there are conversations happening all around me – online, on t.v., in print, and in my inner circle. A lot of these conversations focus on the same topic: postpartum maternal mental healthcare.
A Mother’s Silent Struggle
It’s frightening to think how many Moms are silently suffering from postpartum mental health conditions. Or worse, the number of Moms who know what’s happening, but do not know how to get help. Then we must consider the Moms who ask for help and don’t get the appropriate care she needs. Like Lindsey. She did not get the care she needed.
Sometimes I wonder if the problem starts when a woman is pregnant. We are offered courses on labor and delivery or classes on how how to take care of a newborn. What we are not offered is an opportunity to learn how to take care of ourselves after the baby is born. And if we can’t take care of ourselves, how does anyone expect us to care for a newborn?
Maternal mental health conditions, such as anxiety, perinatal and postpartum depression, birth-related PTSD, are the most common complications of pregnancy and childbirth, affecting 1 in 5 women. Among those affected, 75% go untreated.
MMH Stats
Should new Moms be warned of the possible maternal mental health conditions currently affecting 1 in 5 women? It would be really easy to send home a list of “postpartum depression symptoms to look for” with all those free pads and giant underwear the hospital sends you home with. You know what else would be great?What if there was a “How are you holding up?” call made by our providers after your six week postpartum check-up?
My Postpartum Depression Symptoms Weren’t the Same Every Time
I recall my own experiences with PPD and how each time was so different. The first time I had Postpartum Depression stands out the most because I was secretly struggling with my mental health for quite some time.
The worst part is I felt alone.
To be honest, I didn’t want to tell anyone about my symptoms (and I have never been afraid to talk about how I’m feeling). How do you describe the indescribable? Aside from random dark thoughts about my well-being, there weren’t any reasons for feeling depressed. I just knew I felt SAD. And mad, and angry, and anxious. During a time when I should feel happy – I had a wonderful job, a beautiful home, a healthy family – I was far from it.
From the outside, I looked fine. No one really knew what was going on inside except my husband and immediate family. I wasn’t exhibiting normal signs of depression on the outside. I hugged and loved on Annabelle as much as I could. And I cried. A lot. So many tears fell on my sweet girl and neither she, nor I, had any idea why Mommy was so sad.
Even though my OB-GYN practitioners were very kind, I was still nervous to talk about my feelings.
I remember breaking down before my doctor could even ask why I was in the office. Through sobs I explained the madness I felt inside my head and heart. One minute I was joyful and then next I was pinned by indescribable grief. My period hadn’t returned and I wasn’t pregnant, so WHY was I such a mess?
“Postpartum depression while weaning from breastfeeding” – Originally written in 2015
The second time I had PPD was after I weaned Ailey around 16 months postpartum. We had recently moved to Connecticut and I was under the care of a new OB-GYN – which made it difficult to talk about how I was feeling. I recall crying at my first appointment, unable to articulate how I was feeling, but knowing something wasn’t right. She thought birth control was the solution to all of my problems.
For a few months I tried one pill after the other, experiencing very little emotional relief, breakthrough bleeding, horrible cramps, and headaches. The internet diagnosed me with Premenstrual Dysphoric Disorder (PMDD), a very severe form of premenstrual syndrome (PMS), but my OB-GYN disagreed and said time would heal me. It was not until after I switched to a new women’s practice that I learned I was suffering from postpartum depression …. again.
My doctor missed the signs – and thankfully I worked through it on my own – but that’s not the case for every Mom. Maternal mental health conditions don’t always just go away. Sometimes they worsen.
And the third – my most recent struggle with postpartum depression – was right after I gave birth to Arbor. It was the darkest period of them all, made worse by multiple bouts of Mastitis and back to back UTIs. I’m thankful for Arbor’s pediatrician who asked, “How are you REALLY doing?” at every appointment. I’m grateful for my midwife who checked in on me after each time she prescribed another antibiotic. I was lucky to have my therapist ready and waiting to be of support before the baby was even born. And I’m fortunate to have had family and friends who reminded me DAILY that my feelings were only temporary. I knew there would be light at the end of that dark tunnel – I just didn’t know how long it would take to find it.
Normalizing Postpartum Mental Health Conversations
We live in a society that appears to be trying to normalize mental health conversations – especially maternal mental health. A quick online search reports there are many organizations working to make maternal mental health support accessible to all. One example is the National Maternal Mental Health Hotline which provides 24/7, free, confidential support before, during, and after pregnancy. In theory, this sounds like an easy way for a woman to access resources and find support. But in reality, this phone number is not going to be the first a new Mom dials unless you tell her to.
I tell my mental health stories here – the good, the bad, and the ugly – with the hope that someone reads it. Whether it’s the Mom who is silently suffering or the Mom who doesn’t know it’s not normal to be sad everyday – I want her to know she is not alone. To the Mom who is scared to admit how she feels and the Mom who is told everyone feels the baby blues – help is out there. And to the Mom who isn’t yet a Mom, but wants to be a Mom someday – I want her to think to ask her doctor for more information about maternal mental health.
It’s time to normalize postpartum mental health conversations – making these conversations so NORMAL that Moms aren’t afraid to say they aren’t okay. And if she does, people will take her seriously. They will help her find help. And take care of her the way she wants to take care of her children.
If you’ve made it to the end of this post and need support PLEASE CALL OR TEXT 1-833-9-HELP4MOMS (1-833-943-5746). The National Maternal Mental Health Hotline is 24/7, Free, and Confidential for Pregnant and New Moms in English and Spanish. Call or text 1-833-943-5746 (1-833-9-HELP4MOMS).
Looking for more posts on Maternal Mental Health? Start here: “I’m Tapped Out: The Overstimulation of a Mom.”
Megan Hemmasi says
Bravo! Thank you for sharing your experiences. It’s so important.
anonymous says
OK now this terrifies me! Now I’m afraid my PP will come back (I’m expecting #3) 🙁 Any encouragement??
Caitlin Houston says
Please have a conversation with your OB-GYB ❤️
anonymous says
Thank you for the response. Of course I will and hope to put a plan in place also!
Caitlin Houston says
I don’t know if it happens to everyone after every pregnancy – it definitely was weird for me! I think it’s all different! I wish you the best of luck though and congrats on baby 3
anonymous says
Thanks so much. I have really enjoyed your blog this afternoon!! You are beautiful and so is your family!
Caitlin Houston says
I’m happy to have you here! I hope you enjoy it more 🙂